Heart Questions
Heart questions are used by two people to reach the heart of one or both people. They are caring questions and help relax. They are not accusatory, defensive, or questions that attack. The purpose of the questions is to reach the heart where feelings are stored. It is important for people to remember their pain and be fully engaged with their feelings—to be almost engulfed by them, where they can really forgive from their heart. When a person finally reaches his/her heart, he/she uses the forgiveness prayer to forgive the person that hurt him/her—from the heart!
If you are a single person, some of these questions are still appropriate toward yourself. This can be accomplished by yourself with the help of Christ.
I have listed some example heart questions. I hope they will help you. Heart questions may also be more in the form of a statement as you can see in this list.
These questions allow you to relax and just begin talking to someone without worry or stress. Just follow where ever they lead. Ask Jesus to help you.
Heart Questions
1. Do you feel loved by me?
2. Zero to 100 percent, how much of the time do you feel loved by me?
3. Would you like it to be 100 percent of the time?
4. Have you needed something from me that you have never received? What is it?
5. How many times in our marriage do you cry inside, wishing I could love you?
6. Do you wish you could feel my love?
7. Do you wish I could love you better? What could I do that would make you feel more loved by me?
8. What have you enjoyed most about the years we’ve been together?
9. Can you describe one of the happiest times?
10. Have you felt ___ (fearful), (anxious), (pressured) (like you are in trouble) (like someone rejected you) today?
11. When did you feel that way?
12. Have you enjoyed our years of marriage?
13. What attracted you to me?
14. Did you ever struggle with me when I ___ (couldn’t talk), (open up), (share my fears), (accept you), (trust you), (spend time with you)____?
15. How did that make you feel? Did anyone in your family ever do that to you, causing you to feel similar feelings?
16. How did that make you feel inside?
17. What did that do to you inside?
18. Does that cause you to feel angry, rejection, lonely, unimportant, or pressured?
19. When we moved to a new church, did you feel lonely?
I love questions 20-24. No stress. These nonthreatening questions can reveal wonderful information about the child in our spouse or friend.
20. When you were young, did you have a close friend? What happened to him or her?
21. When you were little what did you play with?
22. What did you do at recess?
23. Did you have a favorite pet?
24. Did you get to go to church camp?
25. First date? Driving? Talents? Dances? Broken bones? Camping?
26. How do you feel when you are not in control of something?
27. Do you feel guilty for anything? When? Why? (Usually, it is not their fault.)
28. Do you feel like you failed and it is your fault?
29. Have you felt loved by me emotionally?
30. Do you feel I’m so self-focused that I cannot connect with you?
31. Do you know why I married you?
32. Do you feel like no one ever made you feel special long enough for you to find an identity?
33. Would you like to know me?
34. I wonder who I really am. Will you still like me when we discover who I really am?
35. How can I not love you when Jesus completes freedom in you? You will become who He created you to be.
36. Can I care about that?
37. Can I ask you any questions so I can know you better?
38. What does someone have to do to make you throw a switch (or shut down)?
39. Was I in so much pain that I could not feel your pain?
40. No one else ever cared about you. Did they? Would you like me to really care about you? Can I be that person for you?
41. Did someone damage you when you were young?
42. Do you like other people to talk so you don’t have to?
43. My heart got locked up when other people hurt you. Do you care about that?
44. Can you take your eyes off your pain to help me?
45. What did my heart look like when that happened?
46. How is your heart today?
47. If you could define your pain, how would you define it?
48. Are you afraid? What makes you afraid?
49. Did someone from church come and care about you? Can I care about you?
50. Who encouraged you the most?
51. Who stood with you? Did you feel their pain?
52. Can I be your friend and be a safe place for you to come? Will it be OK for you to tell me what you are feeling?
53. Do you hide pain inside your heart? Do you think it allows the enemy to influence you to react or act in ungodly ways? Would you like to get free from that pain? (Pray the forgiveness prayer if they answer yes.)
54. Did I drain you emotionally when I shared my frustrations with you?
55. Would you like to be loved by me just for yourself?
56. Are you ever afraid? When?
57. Do you shake inside?
58. If I made a safe place for you every day, would you like that?
59. Would you share your thoughts and fears with me every day?
60. If you ever feel, rejected, pressured, or lonely, would you tell me so that I can care and take care of your heart each day?
61. Did you ever say, “No one is ever going to hurt me again!”? When? What happened to make you say that?
62. Am I disconnected from you?
63. Do you ever get jealous of the kids?
64. Do I criticize you? How does that make you feel?
65. Can I invite you into a relationship with me without me being critical?
66. Do I try to control you? How does that make you feel?
67. What if I created a safe place for you where you would not feel ridiculed, shamed, criticized, or fearful? What would that mean to you?
68. Do you feel unimportant?
69. Do you think no one cares for you?
70. Did you ever feel neglected or abandoned?
71. Do you feel last on my list? How often do you feel that way?
72. Did someone in your childhood neglect you? Who? When? What happened?
73. Did you feel like your father spent more time with other people than with you? How did that make you feel?
74. What could I do to help you to feel loved?
75. Is it difficult for you to make decisions?
76. Do you often feel uptight (wired)?
77. Have you ever felt relaxed? Would you like to be able to relax?
78. What are your desires? What do you feel you need?
79. Do you feel like you must always maintain a perfect house? Does that make you tired inside? What would happen if you didn’t clean for one day or came to bed without doing the dishes?
80. Do you feel pressured to please others?
81. Are you afraid of new friendships?
82. When I tell you, “You are angry!” you lock up. How does that make you feel inside?