Painful Memory Examples
Go through these lists slowly as you look for clues to hidden pain in your heart. You may not remember all of your painful moments, but that’s OK. Jesus knows your heart and the pain inside. He will reveal each memory in His time.
List 1: Did anyone ever—
1. Physically hurt you in anger?
2. Sexually abuse you?
3. Try to control you or manipulate you?
4. Pressure you?
5. Make you feel like something was wrong with you?
6. Give you pornography or encourage you to look at it?
7. Gossip about you and hurt you?
8. Tell a lie about you to get you in trouble?
9. Break a promise to you and hurt you?
10. Yell at you and scare you or make you angry inside?
11. Do something mean to you?
12. Treat you unkindly on purpose?
13. Criticize you?
14. Blame you for their problems?
15. Boss you around?
16. Put you in charge of adult responsibilities as a small child?
17. Dictate your actions and behavior?
18. Make you feel unloved?
19. Make you feel afraid?
20. Refuse to spend money for your needs?
21. Destroy your reputation?
22. Hold grudges against you?
23. Lose their temper with you?
24. Have an affair that you know about (parent or spouse)?
25. Make you feel judged and treated unfairly?
26. Make you feel like they couldn’t tolerate you?
27. Withhold love and compassion toward you in your home?
28. Prevent you from having a relationship with one of your parents?
29. Display a lust for power or wealth in your family?
30. Care more about things, activities, or work than they cared about you?
31. Use anger to communicate with you and control you?
32. Care more about the next drink than about you?
33. Fail to listen to or care about your needs?
34. Seem selfish, self-centered, preachy, or a perfectionist while you were growing up or in your marriage?
35. Refuse to forgive you?
36. Treat you as though they were totally detached?
37. Withdraw from you?
38. Reject you?
39. Make you feel like you didn’t measure up?
40. Falsely accuse you, embarrass you, or humiliate you in private or in public?
41. Make you feel alone, abandoned, unimportant, or ignored?
42. Punish you unfairly?
43. Make you feel wrong or stupid for crying?
44. Act impatiently and wouldn’t tolerate your emotions?
45. Call you bad names?
46. Make fun of your looks, your weight, or a part of your body?
47. Make you feel stupid?
48. Play mean tricks on you?
49. Point out your faults and not praise you?
50. Hold you to a detailed time schedule and pressure you to perform?
51. Make you feel overwhelmed?
52. Lie to you in your childhood?
53. Put you down so they could look better themselves?
54. Withhold their feelings from you?
55. Use alcohol or drugs in your family?
56. Make you feel like you deserved the difficulties in your life?
List 2: Did you ever—
(If you answer yes to any of the following questions, put a rock in your jar for each one even if you don’t think or feel that it affected you.)
1. Get lost?
2. Have a pet die?
3. Experience the divorce of your parents?
4. Witness someone’s death or believe that someone close had died?
5. Experience a death of a parent?
6. Experience a death of a sibling?
7. Experience a death of another close relative like a grandparent?
8. Feel like someone close didn’t have time for you?
9. Need a hero and there was no one there for you?
10. Need a friend or a parent to listen to you and they either didn’t care to listen or they listened and didn’t believe you?
11. Feel hatred toward your parents or a relative or friend?
12. Feel hatred toward yourself?
13. Feel anger toward either of your parents because they were too busy when you needed them?
14. Feel unneeded or unimportant?
15. Feel like you were being ignored?
16. Feel afraid to trust a male or a female?
17. Have negative thoughts about yourself?
18. Feel trashed by hurtful words?
19. Feel worthless?
20. Curse in anger?
21. Use drugs or alcohol in excess?
22. Feel competition in your family that went beyond friendly competition?
23. Feel threatened?
24. Experience anyone taking advantage of you, sexually or otherwise?
25. Feel like you couldn’t please anyone?
26. Feel inside that no one will ever care for you in the long term?
27. Feel despair or feel that you were in a hopeless situation?
28. Grow up knowing poverty?
29. Feel like you were a failure?
30. Feel that your parents favored someone else in your family over you?
31. Feel that no one wanted you? Or wanted you around?
32. Hate yourself when you were growing up?
33. Feel like God let you down?
34. Feel like God punished you unfairly?
35. Feel like God doesn’t like you or want any relationship with you?
36. Participate in any occult activities (or your parents or grandparents) like Ouija board, Dungeons and Dragons, witchcraft, séances, spells and curses, crystal ball, fortune telling, tarot cards, palm reading, satanic music, table lifting or body lifting, out of the body experiences, etc.?