Truth? Lies? Counterfeits?
“Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth” (Ps. 26:2-3).
God began opening doors for people to come to Colorado for counseling. I invited a lady from Wisconsin to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks. She came to do business with God, and He met her in a mighty way. We became close friends, and I have thanked God for her friendship many times since. Perhaps, God allowed her into my life so He could help her through me, but it was more likely that God allowed our special friendship so she could help me survive the difficult and challenging year ahead of me.
It began as an incredible year of serving the Lord. My desire was to help couples became an ever-growing passion. I gave my testimony at a Denver conference and counseled people whenever I was asked. I prepared object lessons for teaching these heart principles to a high school group at family camp. As more and more opportunities arose, the enemy continued to attack. It was obvious that he wanted to discourage me enough to quit.
A few days before family camp, our boys had five or six friends over for a teen bash. Their definition of a bash was staying up all night, watching TV, eating, and never cleaning up.
The next morning, between bodies draped all around the living room, I found evidence of an M&M war from the night before. I was still OK because they had promised earlier that they would clean up.
When they finally woke up, they began playing Nintendo®. About ten thirty, I asked, “When will you guys clean up this mess?”
“Eleven thirty,” they answered.
At noon, I interrupted again. “It’s twelve o’clock. When are you going to clean up this mess? I’m starting to get a little stressed because Dad’s at work, and I have a lot to do to get ready for camp.”
“We promise, Mom. We’ll clean up at one.”
At one thirty, they were still playing TV games. I fumed—I was losing it. While emptying the dishwasher and holding a stack of plates, impulsively, I threw them on the floor, breaking all of them. I was angry and stormed out of the house. It was the first time in three years I had lost my temper like that. I felt like such a failure and so unworthy to go teach at the upcoming family camp.
An hour later, I snuck back into the house, packed a bag, and left again. I was headed to California (from Colorado) when Steve called me from work. I was supposed to be at family camp in Nebraska in four days. I felt like Jonah, going in the opposite direction from Nineveh.
Once again, Steve cared about my heart and promised that if I would come home, he would be there when I arrived (I have since dealt with my pattern of running away from my problems. I brought this stronghold to the Lord for His healing touch and no longer run).
I came home to Steve, and he offered comfort and a listening ear. Using gentle probing questions as he had done on other occasions, he helped me discover the root of the stronghold. His questions led to viewing this particular situation with a whole new perspective.
I told him I was ready to quit going to family camp and helping other people—I was still very angry.
He said, “The sleepover mess isn’t that big a deal, really. Kids are more important than a few M&Ms on the floor and blankets scattered about.”
I interrupted him, “But they promised!” Then I realized how, for some reason, I was ROCKing.
A few observations:
• Point 1: I was so hurt and angry that I couldn’t think straight. All I wanted to do was quit participating at family camp and helping people. As soon as I realized I was ROCKing, my focus changed from my own frustrations about the kids’ behavior to focusing on my heart.
• Point 2: Steve isn’t perfect—he’s real and has his own faults. Any man can care about a woman’s heart if he lets God help him. And any woman can care about a man’s needs and his heart in the same way.
• Point 3: Most important, remember that Satan is a deceitful liar. Each sin or flesh pattern is the result of one of his lies that we believed somewhere along the way.
Reread the story. As you do, underline the facts, put a circle around feelings, and put a box around any actions.
By simplifying a picture of God’s heart, it may be easier to see and understand His heart and see when we are not living a life consistent with God’s heart. Throughout this chapter, I will refer to moments when our actions are not consistent with God’s heart as counterfeits.
Let’s review some basic truths. God’s Word is truth. There are many truths in God’s Word that direct our path and help us grow in our walk with Christ. In the following diagram, God’s truth from His Word is represented by an umbrella.
Under the umbrella is God’s heart. God’s Word (His truth) reveals His heart. We can’t know God’s entire heart, but His Word clearly reveals two major aspects concerning His people: love and trust.
1) Love
• God loves us.
God gave His son for us on Calvary. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God loves us and will never forsake us. He will never leave us, and He will hear us when we cry out for help because we are His and He loves us. He withholds nothing from us.
“He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Rom. 8:32)
• We are to love God and to love one another.
“Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments”” (Matt. 22:37-40).
We are to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind. We cannot keep the second commandment the way God intended if we do not first love God with all our heart, soul, and mind.
2) Trust
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6).
“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him” (John 14:21).
• Trusting God means we must depend on Him 100 percent and obey Him.
There are many truths in God’s Word that help us emulate Christ. If we condense and categorize these truths, we can picture God’s heart more clearly. And a “counterfeit” means anything in our life that is not consistent with God’s heart.
Let’s look for the truths, lies, and the counterfeits in this “teen bash” story. Let’s return to our story and look at some facts.
First, facts may or may not justify someone’s actions. Facts may even prove guilt. When there is a blowup, a close look at facts usually shows who was wrong and perhaps who might have reacted inappropriately. Facts may also show that both parties sinned. When you only focus on facts, this is all you’ll discover. You’ll never get beyond them to look for and find the root problem.
We have often been taught by parents, society, and our own experience that we are to duke it out until we can make sense of the facts or come to some agreement—even if the agreement is to disagree.
If you duke it out, ignore the problem, or sweep it all under the carpet—whatever your flesh pattern is—it will look like this: You are traveling down the road on your journey with Jesus. A conflict arises, for example, about how money is spent. It’s like you just walked into a brick wall, forcing you three steps backward. If you only look at facts and try to get over the moment of disagreement, it will only let you travel down that same road again until you hit the same brick wall about spending money. That’s why we have repetitive disagreements.
Facts can point you in right general direction, but you won’t find the root of the problem if you stop there. Looking past the facts by asking gentle probing questions allows you to journey deeper to the root cause of the fight. It also allows you to care about the other person’s heart.
Almost every fight is caused by an unresolved stronghold. The situation triggers us to react in the flesh from the same-old hidden pain.
Facts can reveal truth, and they can reveal lies. But facts can be easily distorted when viewed from different perspectives. Whether we attach emotions to the facts or not, facts can lead us away from God’s heart and be distracting counterfeits—regardless of whether they are true, lies, or distortions.
Using facts incorrectly is counterfeit because we’re using them for our purposes, not God’s. It’s about what we want instead of what God wants. This demonstrates neither our love toward God nor our trust in Him. Nor does it demonstrate our love toward someone else when we put our own wants and desires before their needs. It doesn’t matter if facts are true, emotionally distorted, or even outright lies; if using facts causes isolation, they become counterfeits of God’s truth. Here are a few examples of using facts as counterfeits of God’s truth:
1. The “defend yourself” counterfeit
2. The “criticize others” counterfeit
3. The “argue the facts” counterfeit
4. The “lecture” counterfeit
5. The “just fix the problem” counterfeit
6. The “justify your actions” counterfeit
7. The “blame others” counterfeit
8. The “punish and call it tough love” counterfeit
9. The “correct someone” counterfeit
10. The “accuse” counterfeit
11. The “shame someone” counterfeit
12. The “prove yourself right” counterfeit
13. The “keep a list” counterfeit
Without unconditional love, none of these correctly demonstrate God’s love toward anyone.
God commands us to love at all times—not just when someone is perfect. Love should draw two people into an emotional closeness with each other and with God. These counterfeits distract us. They close hearts and move two people toward isolation. People are acting and relying on their own strength and flesh patterns, when they use counterfeits like these derived from facts. This is just what the enemy wants.
Let’s look at a few facts in my “teen bash” story to discover and better understand counterfeits.
When I was upset about dirty-house facts, my focus was on the dirty house—this was a distraction from the real problem. Most arguments and misunderstandings are on issues that are distractions from the real problem. That’s why we need to look beyond the facts (the dots in the Magic-Eye® 3-D picture) and care more about the hearts of people.
Whether facts are true or grossly distorted, it doesn’t matter! They can all be a counterfeit, distracting us from aligning our actions with God’s truth and mirroring God’s heart with our heart.
Going back to the dirty-house example; the following would probably be the best possible example of the outcome if only the facts were considered:
I got angry and blew up. The kids felt bad and grudgingly cleaned up. I eventually apologized for losing my temper, and they apologized for not cleaning it up earlier. I asked for forgiveness, and they forgave me. My kids were embarrassed, and the visiting friends felt very uncomfortable, confused, and perhaps a little resentful. After all, I interrupted their TV games. Anger might still linger in their hearts.
Many families can’t even do this much to restore relationships. It looks pretty good and even biblical, but the outcome could have been so much more and better!
Here’s a clue. My feelings and loss of temper had nothing to do with the dirty house. This is where Satan distracts and deceives us. If you thought it was because of the dirty house, go back and look again. This time, draw a line through all the facts and through any actions so they won’t distract you from finding the root problem.
The teens acted the way they did because they are immature teens. They probably have some strongholds that trigger procrastination and self-indulgence. My actions were triggered because my focus was on the facts. My anger and actions were flesh patterns. It looked like I was angry over the messy house, but it had nothing to do with a cluttered house. God can use facts and our reactions to reveal the presence of an inner-heart problem. After we eliminate the facts and actions, we are left with feelings.
Feelings
These were some feelings revealed in my story:
• I was OK with that.
• I was angry.
• I was fuming.
• I felt like such a failure and so unworthy to go teach family camp.
• I felt like Jonah going in the opposite direction.
• I felt like a failure.
• I felt frustrated.
What really triggered my feelings of anger and frustrations? For each feeling ask, “Why did she feel that?”
When I shared the whole blowup with Steve, how the boys kept promising to clean up but delayed again and again, he said, “That’s what teens do.”
I knew that but was so frustrated, and I cried, “But they promised!”
Many times, we don’t discover what’s in our own heart because we’re quick to blame others who seem guilty or who really are guilty. Have you ever played a game of solitaire on the computer? All the cards are laid out and waiting for your next move. If you try to drag and drop an eight of hearts onto a ten of hearts, instantly it snaps back to its original position with a fun little click sound as it rejects the play. You can’t make the card stay on the ten—it just won’t go there. However, when you drag the nine of hearts onto the ten, there’s this wonderful sucking noise as it snaps onto the ten. It fits!
That is exactly what happens when we match our heart up with God’s heart. When it matches, our hearts will fuse with God’s heart in our thoughts, our will, our actions, and our attitudes, and other people will feel loved and cared for. That wonderful imaginary sucking noise occurs as we truly mirror God’s heart.
As I focused on the facts and blamed the kids, if I then tried to match my heart with God’s heart, it was counterfeit and it wasn’t going to happen. My heart flew away from God’s heart, right back to where it came from with a click when it was rejected. And the kids felt unloved.
My little umbrellas of truth did not align with God’s truth, and my heart didn’t mirror God’s heart. My heart was operating only from my perception of what was true (the facts) and was using those facts to blame, punish, correct, or prove I’m right. It was really about me—solving issues my way.
The counterfeit of blaming others distracts us because our focus is on the other person’s faults. My focus was not on the other person’s heart or even on my own heart. This counterfeit will close a heart, locking it up or shutting it down, and moves the people involved toward isolation. The real danger lies in the fact that counterfeits, like blaming, often look right, good, and justified. It often looks like we’re doing the right thing. Things become clear only when we are willing to place our heart side by side with God’s heart and see if it mirrors His.
In the Gospels, Jesus commands us to love one another. He doesn’t say, “Love them if they are perfect or love them when they’re good or when they deserve it.” If you can’t love someone even when they are wrong, inattentive, disrespectful, dishonest, hateful, or disobedient, then you need to look to your own heart for the reason.
A big part of loving God with all our heart means being willing to constantly look into our heart and being willing to clean it up. The result is more of the Holy Spirit having control of my heart and less of me.
As Steve held me in his arms in the privacy of our room, he asked, “Did anyone ever break a promise to you?”
I was so relaxed that I didn’t even think as I replied, “All the time. My mom was forever promising something and then snatching it back.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“My senior year of high school, we had an awesome football team. I would try to do everything Mom wanted me to do all week so I could attend that week’s football game. At the last moment, she would find some little thing wrong and change her mind. She had promised I could go to the football game, and she broke her promise. Many times, it was just minutes before I was to leave. We were the state champions that year, and I only got to go to four games.
“She promised she would never sell my dog. She promised me Tikki would always be my dog. Mom sold her while I was away at camp, just weeks after her promise.”
I was definitely in my heart by then. It hurt that she kept me from enjoying my senior year for no apparent reason and that she sold my dog. It hurt so much, and I was feeling the pain and the disappointment again. She took something from me that I could never get back.
“Do you think you could forgive your mom for breaking so many promises to you when you were growing up?”
“Yes.” This wasn’t just an intellectual yes. I had learned the joy of forgiving and letting go at the very beginning of my heart’s journey. I felt love from the Holy Spirit flowing through me toward my mother and cared more about her than caring about holding on to anger and bitterness. When I said yes from my heart, I could feel God’s healing touch.
I experience such an abundant life in Christ now as I continue my commitment to bring every hurt and pain to Him. I forgive, and He heals.
After we prayed the forgiveness prayer, Steve asked, “Do you think you got upset with the boys because the living room was a mess or because they broke a promise to you?” It was clear to me that it was because they had broken their promise and I ROCKed because of it.
I eventually was able to go to each one of the boys and share with them what Steve and I had discovered. I shared with them about my senior year and how I had allowed unforgiveness to grow into anger and bitterness. I explained how the enemy wanted to push my buttons through that and how I reacted terribly toward them because of what was in my heart and not because of them. I asked them to forgive me for not loving them very well. I told them that I wanted to love them so much better than that. They forgave me, and I felt loved by them. They felt loved and accepted by me.
When the conflict was resolved in this manner my journey with Jesus looked something like this; a conflict arose because of a broken promise. I hit that brick wall, and it set me back three steps. I was embarrassed with my actions of throwing the plates, but I was able to find the root problem and forgive my mother. That process completely broke down the brick wall in my path, and I was able to walk beyond the rubble and continue my journey.
I never asked the teens to tell me what part they did wrong or demand an apology from them. I just loved them and asked their forgiveness for not loving them at the time.
I was once again excited about teaching at family camp. I was so glad I didn’t let the enemy defeat me and steal my joy. Mostly, I was excited that the enemy meant to destroy me and my witness for Jesus, but God made something good come out of it. I was free of one more stronghold—a stronghold that had been a real blind spot for me. But Steve and I found it, and Jesus and I attacked back.
All six of the boys felt loved by me, and in the process, they got to see how ROCKing worked. In my heart, I know it’s more important for my kids and their friends to feel loved by me and hear me ask for forgiveness than for me to hold my ground and convince them I am right and they are wrong.
Will I hit another brick wall on my journey? Sure I will, and you will too. The victory in our journey happens when we realize that each brick wall reveals another stronghold and a new area that we get to surrender to Jesus. Once it is surrendered, many potential future arguments attached to that stronghold disappear. They never happen because the stronghold is no longer there. The best part is we get to move beyond the brick wall and travel further down the road on our journey with Jesus, living an abundant life in Christ.
The high school camp was the highlight of my summer. I helped to teach by preparing all of the object lessons and running a social-auction activity. Twenty-four kids listened to the lessons because they really wanted to. They bonded as a group, and no one got left out. One young lady became a believer and several more accepted counseling. It was awesome.
As in most camps, we had a few trials that caused problems. We attended this camp for many years and often watched the staff drive from one end of the camp to the other with staff members standing on the vehicle’s running boards. On the first day of camp, Adam was doing this very thing. After observing this, I asked Adam not to drive his Jeep during camp and to relay this message to Dan, but Adam failed to relay the message.
About the third day of camp, Dan acted like a typical teenager with Adam’s Jeep. He was already eighteen and had graduated from high school. Dan drove the Jeep through the camp with three teenage girls in the Jeep under seatbelts. Meanwhile, two other boys stepped on to the running boards while he continued driving around the lake. I had already asked these same two boys not to ride on the running boards when I told Adam not to drive the Jeep.
Naturally, a parent saw her daughter in the Jeep across the lake and was very upset. She came to me with her fears. I found the group a few minutes later, and I made everyone remove themselves from the Jeep and pile into my van. I then told Dan to park the Jeep.
If I had resolved the problem correctly, mirroring God’s heart, Dan would have felt loved by me. Instead, I wounded the spirit of my son and embarrassed him in front of his friends by making all the kids get off the Jeep and never once offering open communication.
I wish you could have seen Dan’s face when I first pulled up in front of him. He wore a huge smile and greeted me with open love. “Hi, Mom!” Within ten seconds or less, I saw my son’s heart lock up and shut down right before my eyes. I did that because I was responsible as “staff” and I was “afraid” of getting into trouble myself from Drew, the camp speaker (my own stronghold).
If this stronghold had not been active in my heart and I had felt more secure in my relationship with Drew, I simply would have sat on the hood of the Jeep and talked to the kids when they stopped. My conversation might then have gone something like this:
“One of your parents is very upset that you are in this Jeep, and she thinks you are going too fast on a dirt road. I’m not sure how to handle this situation. She wants her daughter out of the Jeep right now. Do you have some suggestions how we could solve this without embarrassing anyone?”
Every time we ask our kids for a solution or “What do you think?” or “How should we handle this?” we have been able to talk in a relaxed way. We’ve resolved many conflicts after just listening to our kids share their own ideas.
Not this time though. I had a stronghold that locked me up with fear, and I reacted in a less-than-loving way. Oh, it was justifiable, and at the time, every leader said I did the right thing, but I know now that it was wrong and I know why—God’s love and character were not reflected through my actions. My fearful heart did not mirror God’s heart. I resolved the problem my way and depended on myself to get it done quickly.
Dan ROCKed because of it. We had a long history of me embarrassing and correcting him in front of his friends. We talked right away, and he was very angry. He agreed to not drive the Jeep, and I felt horrible for being angry when I found out Adam had never told Dan not to drive the Jeep at camp.
I was under Drew’s authority, and since he asked me before camp to tell him about any problems, I did. Drew’s resulting conversation with my sons did not go well, and Drew punished Dan publicly. Dan felt humiliated in front of the entire camp.
Dan and Adam had a circle of destruction going on. This time Adam recognized it, and he and I prayed about it. In addition, he and all of the kids involved in the Jeep incident asked their parents to join us after lunch at the picnic table. They invited some of the camp staff including Drew, but Drew declined.
At the picnic table, I explained to the parents about the Jeep ride. I explained that Dan didn’t know that I requested that no one drive the Jeep during camp even though Dan was legally an adult and there were no rules against it. I explained to the group about my history of embarrassing my sons and correcting them in front of others. I publicly apologized to Dan for embarrassing him in front of his friends. I said I would ask for his forgiveness later, because I didn’t want him to feel pressured to grant me forgiveness in public.
Adam asked to speak next. He said, straight from his heart, “My whole life, it seems like the only time Dan gets in trouble is when I set him up for it. Dan asked for the Jeep keys, and I just gave them to him. I never even told him we weren’t supposed to drive it. Now Drew is mad at Dan, and Dan is taking all of the blame for all of this, when each one of us played a part—especially me.
Adam publicly asked Dan to forgive him. Dan forgave Adam, and they gave each other a hug.
Each of the other teens spoke up and said they were told not to ride on the running boards and they chose to disobey. Dan didn’t know about that either. They apologized to Dan and asked him to forgive them. All that week, the kids had been learning how to love, face issues, and get free of strongholds. Nothing taught that year was a better lesson than what they were experiencing around the picnic table.
As we all talked, I watched Dan relax more and more. His closed and locked-up heart was opening ever so slightly as he was being cared for and loved by the entire group. He was being drawn back by love.
I asked the parents, “How many of you have ever been in an accident or known someone who got in an accident going 35 kmph on a dirt road?” Every one of them raised their hands. The parents shared their experiences. One dad was in two accidents himself! In one accident, a kid’s legs got run over and it was pretty serious. It was a time the teens got to learn some things about their parents. It was a time of real bonding.
Dan asked to speak. “I didn’t realize that I was endangering the lives of the kids by going thirty-five on the dirt road.” He said, “I am very sorry I did that, and I ask you to forgive me.” Forgiveness was granted all around. Everyone in that small group has been close friends ever since. Years later, they still keep in touch with e-mails and chat on their computers.
I was so proud of my sons that day. They arranged the meeting and led the discussion. I couldn’t have been more proud of them if they had won Olympic gold medals.
One parent came up afterward and told me she thought the kids were going to be publicly punished because I was part of the staff. She said, “All week Drew has been teaching about love. I don’t quite understand it all, but I know this was the first time in my life that I have ever seen love in action. Thank you so much. Now I know what love looks like.”
Through this experience, I learned that if you focus only on the wrong someone does, that in itself is wrong, and it is a counterfeit to God’s truth about love. “[Love] keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor.13:5). Love does not keep score. I have never regretted my response to my son’s actions around the picnic table that day at camp, especially since, as teenagers, they handled it biblically.
Later, when I asked Dan to forgive me in private, his answer was, “Sorry, Mom, I can’t do that yet.”
I responded, “That’s OK. The Bible only commands that I request forgiveness. I can still love you and love Jesus. I asked for forgiveness because Jesus commands me to ask, but also because it would benefit you to forgive me. Dad and I will go on being happy and full of joy. I hope someday you can let all of this go and forgive so you won’t become a bitter angry person like I used to be.”
A few weeks after camp, I flew to Oregon to counsel a couple and Steve flew to Michigan on a golf trip. Our kids were left “Home Alone” for four whole days!
They had asked Steve if they could have a party. “No” was his answer. I told them they could have family friends over.
During Dan’s last few months of his senior year, he had turned eighteen and was starting to attend parties and drink. We knew he was making these poor choices. Adam always went along to drive, but didn’t drink. He would joke, “I don’t drink and do drugs at the same time (chemotherapy drugs).” They knew that if they ever got into a situation and needed help, they could call us. We asked them to be home by midnight. Occasionally, they would call and ask to stay out till 1:00 a.m. We told them we would let them decide and asked them not to speed coming home. We wanted them to arrive safely. We didn’t approve of drinking and late nights, but we let them decide. They were willing to face the consequences for their actions.
I liked the men they were becoming even though they still made some poor choices from time to time.
We wanted to be there to support them and walk with them through any difficult consequences. It was a time in their lives when they needed to decide who and what they wanted to become, and these choices were up to them alone. It was a time in our life to pray (a lot!) and ask God to keep them safe and speak to their hearts.
We trusted God with Dan’s and Adam’s lives. We believed in our sons and the heritage we were giving them. There were times we wondered if we were doing the right thing. Love sometimes feels like the opposite of what we think we should be doing.
The first night I was gone to Oregon, they had family friends over and invited a couple extra good friends. It was so much fun they said, “Let’s do it again!” The next night, about thirty kids showed up. The third night, over one hundred kids showed up, some with liquor! Dan and Adam made everyone who wanted to smoke and drink stay outside. The kids built a huge bonfire in the fireplace on the deck. If the wind had been just right, our house would have burnt down. My kids and their few close friends were no longer in control of the one hundred plus kids at our house.
When Adam picked me up at the airport, he immediately told me about the parties. I didn’t scold, lecture, scream, or pull my hair out. I just listened, acted shocked, and laughed at the appropriate times. As he relaxed and laughed with me, more information was revealed, as in large numbers of kids, beer, bonfires, etc. These were serious parties.
When I arrived home, my house was clean and orderly. I would have never noticed the few cigarette butts and a couple of beer cans in the irrigation ditch—there was no evidence of “the parties.” I would have never known about them if Adam hadn’t told me. When Dan got home from work, he told me even more about the parties.
We had never faced anything like this before. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. They asked, “Could you just not tell Dad?”
“No deal. We don’t have that kind of a relationship, and you know it.”
Steve came home the next day. He and I agreed that we would discuss it more with the boys at the second family camp that summer. We were returning to our original family camp in Nebraska the next day to have fun and be together as a family. This camp had a whole different theme and a different guest speaker.
One evening at camp, the four of us returned to our dorm room and spent the whole evening just talking. We listened to the kids tell all about the parties and how it got more and more out of control night after night.
“Our house was a perfect place for a party. It’s outside of town, and we have lots of parking away from the highway. No one nearby even knew we were having a party. It was so much fun. We were so popular. Kids came from Greeley and Ft. Collins. Everyone knows us now. We didn’t know someone would bring beer,” Adam said.
“That’s not true,” Dan chimed in. “Someone asked me if they could bring some beer and I said yes. I just didn’t know they would bring a keg!”
We allowed them all the time they needed to talk and share their adventure with us. Occasionally, we would ask a question, but we never corrected them or tried to make them feel or look stupid or think that we were angry.
They never once locked up and stopped talking. They never said, “Never mind, you wouldn’t understand.” We stayed connected. They were able to relax and share all of their feelings and all of the information without fear of judgment from us or fear of receiving “the death penalty.” They never ever felt anxious or felt like they were on trial.
We hadn’t punished our kids since they were fourteen and fifteen. Our culture said we had cause to punish them through the years, but there was never a need because we always worked things out. They learned from and repented for their mistakes and poor choices. They weren’t afraid of us. We went through many experiences where love overcame problems. Our greatest opportunities to extend love and mercy (a reflection of God’s heart) were the situations when our boys knew they were wrong and deserved to be punished.
The story shifted from the excitement and fun of being the most popular guys in the county to the constant fear and lack of control they felt during the parties. They shared how stressful it was and how glad they were that the parties were over. They hated playing policeman and having to send several kids home.
We talked about how the party might have affected their lifelong Christian friends. I reminded them of my friend, Pat, who is still incarcerated in a California women’s prison for her part in a murder in the late 1960s. Pat had told me, “My biggest mistake that changed my life happened when I accepted my first alcoholic drink out of a high school locker.” She suddenly had a whole new set of “friends,” and her former friends moved on. After almost forty years of prison life, she holds little hope of parole even though she has been rehabilitated and has lived a model life as an inmate.
Reality set in when we asked, “What do you think would have happened if one of those one hundred plus kids had been killed driving home drunk from our house?” We reminded them of a similar event where someone was killed and the teens involved went to jail. Daniel was eighteen and would have been tried as an adult, while once again, Adam would have gotten away with a hand slap as he was only seventeen. That could have impacted their relationship for years. We talked about how getting drunk could cost someone their virginity or even someone’s life and how it could change lives forever.
We talked about losing our house to fire and possible lawsuits—it was a meaningful time. No one was slinging water at each other like in the imaginary boat. No one was accusing. We just provided them time to reflect and think about their actions.
I said, “You guys really enjoyed the popularity. Everyone is talking about the party, and you seem to like that. You think you have made a hundred new friends from Fort Collins and Greeley, too. What kind of friends are they?”
They realized these new friends weren’t really the kind of friends you could trust.
They talked about how scared they were that the cops would come, how they had to check through the house constantly, and how they didn’t really have fun except for the first two nights.
They decided on their own that they weren’t going to have any more parties. I don’t know if they ever went to another drinking party again, but I do know they never hosted another one. They asked us to forgive them for disobeying and insisted that we punish them. They knew they deserved to be punished.
We’ve been taught in our society and in church that kids need punishment to bring about repentance and necessary change. Punishment is simply the consequence of doing something wrong. But any punishment without love often results in anger, resentment, bitterness, and isolation. Punishment without love is counterfeit to God’s truth to love one another. You know it doesn’t mirror God’s heart, if the outcome is anger, bitterness, and isolation.
We could punish our kids for having parties, and they would have felt loved by us because we connected with them in love first. The punishment would serve to remind them to honor their commitment of no more parties.
I had a difficult time coming up with an appropriate punishment after they already repented and decided to never again have another party. We asked them to help us come up with a punishment. They came up with a lot of ideas. Some were just short of death!
We let our sons be in charge of their lives at fourteen and fifteen, and they grew and matured. They made more A’s than anything else, and they never got in trouble at school. They both developed self-confidence and leadership qualities. Steve and I were both uncomfortable about taking back the reins of control, even when the boys made mistakes. We wanted our sons to experience being in charge of their own lives even when they made bad choices. We trusted them to learn and grow as we trusted God to work in their lives and protect them.
As far as we could tell, they truly had repented and would never have another wild party. However, we decided they should have a punishment anyway: They needed to plan a party before the end of the summer with some of their lifetime friends, and they had to invite us! And of course, we would pay for the food and “drinks.”
We didn’t know for sure if this was the right answer, but toward the end of summer, Dan chose to rededicate his life to the Lord and be baptized in our church. He knew for certain he could make these decisions on his own for his life, and he did so with confidence.
It was also during this summer that he and Adam formed an accountability pact between themselves to stop all cussing. They really took control of their mouths that summer and made great decisions about the kind of men they wanted to become.
Reflections: Chapter 9
Counterfeits cause several problems:
1. Counterfeits look good and often make us look good to other people.
2. They can convince us that we have done all we can and we are right and the other person is the problem.
3. Counterfeits receive all the attention.
4. We attach great value to our solutions using counterfeits.
5. Counterfeits cause isolation and will never mirror God’s heart.
That is why little counterfeit umbrellas are elevated above the level of our problems in the diagram presented earlier in this chapter. It doesn’t mean they are a greater value—we only think they are of greater value to us. The truth is the enemy will use counterfeits to cause isolation and destroy our relationships. A heart that mirrors God’s heart loves with a Christlike love, while people subjected to counterfeits will feel unloved.
There is a saying I would like to share with you. I loved this saying and for several decades lived by it—it was my theme for my life.
When you get to the end of your rope . . . tie a knot and hang on!
This sounds so wise and encouraging—helping someone to never give up. It encourages you to be strong when you are faltering. It helps you strive to give more when you think you have nothing left to give. When the world gets tough, it encourages you to get tougher. This saying screams, “You can do it! Have confidence in yourself.” And no matter what, never, never, never give up!
If you can picture a person hanging on to a knot at the end of a dangling rope, then you will see what counterfeits look like in your life. Counterfeits are about trusting in ourselves and what we believe to be true, instead of trusting and depending on God. They often look good and sound awesome like this quote. Counterfeits usually fit in nicely with our political views, Christian theology views, family parenting values, and the society around us. Yet they are all worthless if they don’t support God’s truth, if they don’t mirror God’s heart in our life, and if they don’t result in our loved ones feeling loved by us. When a counterfeit is active in our life, we are not loving God with all our heart.
There are counterfeits in every area of our lives. Looking back, I am amazed how counterfeits tweak a person just enough to get them off base. Many times in my own life, I was so sure I was correct; I wouldn’t allow God to break through my knowledge and heal my heart. I was so narrow-minded and “wise” in my own knowledge that I was closed to hearing from God or allowing God to transform me (Rom. 12:2).
I am amazed how so many things in life seem to make such good sense, while Jesus’s truths say the opposite.
Instead of “When you get to the end of your rope . . . tie a knot and hang on,” I think Jesus would say the following:
“When you get to the knot at the end of your rope . . . let go.”
“If you are tired of trying to be strong . . . let go.”
“If you realize that all your best efforts have created a mess . . . let go.”
“If you are afraid you are going to fail . . . let go.”
“No one can succeed without me. Just let go. I’ll be there to catch you, and together, we will walk on a new path.”
Jesus doesn’t want us to put confidence in ourselves. He doesn’t want us to depend on ourselves. He wants us to depend totally on the Holy Spirit to empower us and live through us.
Secular and Christian families alike are shattered by divorce because counterfeits are destroying families. Some Christians argue that divorce is the answer to their problems. I’ve heard some say it’s God’s will for them to get a divorce (I do believe a few divorces may be necessary in cases of abuse). Often, divorce is just a way out of an uncomfortable situation. Divorce ends marriages, tears families apart, and destroys relationships. Divorce will affect the children and future generations. Divorce happens when one or both people take their gaze off Jesus and gaze at the problems in their relationship—their problems get bigger, and they lose sight of the miracle-working power of our personal God. Instead of putting their trust and complete hope in God, they get distracted and consider their difficult relationship to be hopeless.
This may sound odd, but if you are in a rotten marriage, God has given you an incredible gift in your spouse. And you are a great gift to him or her, too. When conflict erupts, it’s your opportunity, together with Jesus, to discover strongholds and hidden pain in your heart—to discover exactly how and why you react in your own unique flesh pattern and create conflict. It is one more opportunity to give another part of your heart to God. So you can eventually love God with all your heart.
Remember, only you can bring your heart to God. When you are transformed with Jesus’s help, you will be free to let the living water of Christ’s love overflow from you and you can be an effective witness for God.
In this book, you’ve read several accounts of confident people acting out of their own flesh patterns. When they put that confidence into action, people suffered as a result. Sin never just affects you—it hurts others, also. If you have children, a divorce will particularly hurt them. And you will be passing generational sins to them that will probably affect them for the rest of their lives.
You can either live a life consistent with God’s heart, trusting and depending on Him and loving Him and others with all your heart, or you can operate somewhere else, out from under God’s umbrella of truth. There, you’ll operate under counterfeit umbrellas that represent what you think is truth. You may look good and feel that your actions are justified, but you will be deceived. Whenever someone operates under a counterfeit, it does not mirror God’s heart. It looks something like this diagram:
The more counterfeits we operate from, the messier our lives and relationships become. We are trusting God less and are not loving Him with all our heart. Our will often decides, “I won’t change my mind. I am determined, and my mind is made up.” The sad part is that God may want to teach you some incredible things. He may want to restore your relationship so that others could be blessed by your testimony and He could be glorified. God can make something great come out of horrible situations when we put our trust in Him and just let go of the rope!
Throughout this book, I have shared with you how my parenting skills (lecturing, controlling, punishing, making demands, buying my kids things, etc.) were not received as love. They were all counterfeits, though I really believed at the time I was “loving” my kids.
It is really quite easy to evaluate. Like a computer card game, drag your relationship over to God’s heart. Let it go, step back, look closely, and evaluate. If you are depending on God to love people through you, people close to you will feel loved by you. You’re putting your trust in Jesus that He will love others through you. Your heart will be consistent with God’s heart as you share intimate relationships with your family. But if you drag your heart over to God’s heart and it doesn’t mirror unconditional love or if someone feels unloved by you, the heart will spring away just like in the computer card game. If relationships feel strained, then the “truth” you’re living under is false and a counterfeit. The enemy is deceiving you, and you believe his lie. Your heart won’t match up with God’s heart.
Let me mention one possible exception where this analogy falls short; when a person rejects your unconditional love. If the person you are loving unconditionally is all locked up and unable to receive your love—usually because of some stronghold in their heart—you can and should continue to love them. Eventually, unconditional love can break down those barriers and they will eventually begin to trust you as you love them.
Counterfeit umbrellas can be produced from anything that is done in our own effort, and the result is isolation. Our secular and even our religious activities can be sinful counterfeits when they are done in the flesh. Like counterfeit paintings, coins, and antiques that have been purchased with enormous sums of money, counterfeit truths also deceive. They look like the original and appear “true,” but are essentially worthless.
In today’s culture, the negative influence of counterfeit truths is not obvious. Counterfeits surround us and can be found everywhere in our lives and relationships. We must clearly understand what they are and how they can gradually destroy us. They are dangerous to our relationship with God and with others. The danger is we might not see their effects until it’s too late.
To help you understand what I mean better, I’d like to explain a counterfeit teaching that affected my Christian walk for many years. Even Christian core beliefs can be counterfeit if they encourage us to act in our own strength. God’s Word can be distorted, taught incorrectly, and misinterpreted where it can become a distraction (or counterfeit) to us.
In my late teens at a Bible college in California, I was taught that our “old nature” was at war with our “new nature.” We had to be strong and avoid the temptation of sin. We were sinners (identity) saved by grace, and we needed to live a life for Christ without sin. We needed to ask for forgiveness each time we sinned and ask God to help us overcome the temptation the next time.
This teaching sounded good to me at the time, and I felt compelled to love Jesus by trying to live my Christian life this way.
Actually, this teaching says, “Jesus saved us by His work on the cross, but now we have to do our part to stay righteous.” This was done by repenting a lot and begging his forgiveness. Then I went out and tried harder (and harder, and harder) to do it right the next time. The message said to me that I needed to get it done, and if I didn’t, I didn’t measure up. No wonder some of my college friends quit the ministry and now live a life of sin. I believe this theological teaching is counterfeit to God’s truth.
I need to drag this theology over to the heart of God and decide if it mirrors God’s truth and is consistent with God’s heart. Does this theology teach the believer to trust and depend 100 percent in God? If it doesn’t, then it is a counterfeit. Let’s look at it more closely.
I participated in self-improvement plans constantly, but kept failing over and over. I couldn’t overcome this “old nature,” and it seemed to have more and more victory over me no matter how hard I tried. I felt like such a failure when I repeatedly sinned and just couldn’t get it right. As long as I was making tiny improvements, I kept trying harder for Jesus. When I succeeded, I felt good about myself, and when I failed (more often), I felt discouraged and sometimes depressed. After I repented, I would begin again with renewed vigor. It was depressing, and for many years, I lived a defeated Christian life as these teachings held me in bondage.
What’s so awful about this teaching is 1) when I succeeded, I was still sinning because I was (in the flesh) succeeding independently from God through my self-improvement programs and 2) when I failed (lost my temper, gossiped, hated others), I sinned and I felt my own disappointment even as I hurt others. In both cases, I was doing everything in my own strength.
Appearance of truth, lies, success, failures—they are all counterfeits if it’s about us doing it without God.
This distorted theological teaching kept me from going to the root of my problems and experiencing victory in Christ. My focus was on myself, and I constantly made myself try harder. It made me focus on my own strengths and my weaknesses.
If we can choose to redirect our gaze to Jesus, He will show us what is in our heart and will lead us to the strongholds He desires us to be free of. This refocus allows us to trust God with all our heart, soul, and mind even when we don’t understand it. We must simply let go of the knot and say, “I can’t do this, but you can.” Once we decide to trust God, then we need to pray for His help to completely depend on Him and obey Him.
When we become a Christian, we ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins, but we haven’t addressed the rocks in our canning jar! Generational sins and sins done to us without our permission are sins in us that have power through the enemy’s influence, because we have not forgiven the sin. Those sins, plus the sins we choose to cultivate, influence our life in some way every day. There is victory and freedom from these only when we bring them to Jesus. We find freedom when we choose to forgive the offender and ask Jesus to remove the stronghold.
No more self-improvement programs for me! From my observations, self-improvement programs produce two kinds of people:
• Those who take the credit for being good Christians and for their ability to perform well for God and look good. They might even occasionally think how lucky God is to have them in His family to help Him out or how blessed God is because they’re not causing Him problems.
• Those who live a life of defeat, feeling pressured to perform and always feeling like they’ll never be good enough. They are usually depressed or living a life with a low self-esteem.
Both examples describe a life walking in the flesh, and it is not what Christ wants from them or for them. This lifestyle prevents them from loving God with all their heart.
Now I believe: I was born a sinner at birth, and Jesus paid the ultimate price of His shed blood on Calvary for everyone’s sin (Rom. 5:8). Recently, I finally grasped that when I accepted Jesus as my savior and asked Him to forgive me, I also became a “holy one” or a saint (Rom. 1:7). I am now a saint (identity), and no longer am I a sinner (identity). I am a child of God.
However, I can still choose to sin by walking in the flesh instead of choosing to walk in the Spirit (Rom. 8:12-13).
The scripture is clear in Romans, chapters 5 and 6, that we were born spiritually dead, but when we were crucified with Christ, our “old nature”—our Adamic nature—was put to death. We need to realize and reckon that our “old nature” no longer has any power over us and it’s dead (Gal. 2:20, 1 Cor. 5:17). We can also see (because of the rocks in our jar) that we still have the ability to sin. Having the ability to sin and relying on old, practiced flesh patterns to cope doesn’t mean we’ve resurrected the “old nature.” It simply means we have the presence of sin still in our bodies, pressuring us to trust in our flesh instead of God. Christians become spiritually alive as a new creation at salvation because the Adamic nature died with Christ on the cross. When we are saved, we are born again in a new eternal life in Christ.
There is victory when we decide to say, “I can’t do this anymore, but, Jesus, you can.” That’s why I no longer scream in anger and frustration. I no longer struggle with anger, depression, control, worry, trying to fix everyone, etc. I let it all go and gave it into the control of the Holy Spirit of the living God, who lives within me. He lives in me and can handle it. I live in victory because I live in Him.
I rejoice because there’s more evidence of the Spirit living in me than evidence that the flesh is still in control. I’m not proud or bragging because I’ve become more gentle, loving, calm, caring, self-controlled, patient, trustworthy, etc. I simply give Jesus all the credit for the amazing miracle He has done in my life, and I’m able to love God more as I give Him all my heart.
It’s hard to comprehend it all, but I know it works. I offer my life as living proof. I choose victory in Christ, who always takes back my strongholds from the enemy every time I ask. I want no part of a defeated life that insists that a put-to-death old nature is still alive in me. Jesus did it all. He died. He forgave. His Holy Spirit lives in me. He empowers me against the enemy. He takes back strongholds. He does it all. It’s all about Christ doing it and not me.
I did nothing but decide who I was going to let influence my life. I chose Christ. I decided to view the world more through God’s eyes. Once I began to understand and recognize counterfeits, everything looked completely different.
Counterfeits are the most difficult weapon of the enemy to recognize because they look and sound so good. They show up in our “natural” way of handling things. Counterfeits seem to make sense in our mind and in our decisions, and our emotions are swayed that this is the right course of action. You need to guard your heart and be willing to look for the evidence pointing to the use of a counterfeit: Are you depending on yourself to accomplish this instead of God? Does anyone feel unloved or isolated? If either of these is true, look for a counterfeit.
God says for us to love one another. We need to be willing to find each distraction, stronghold, flesh pattern, and counterfeit in our lives and bring it to Jesus for deliverance. This frees up God’s Spirit to love through us. Then others will truly feel loved by us.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23).
“Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’” (Matt. 22:37).
David wrote, “Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever” (Ps. 86:11-12).
Courageous Hearts: Chapter 9
We recently returned from visiting the Holy Lands. It was a trip of a lifetime, and I will never be the same. I was baptized in the Jordan River. The stories in the Bible have come alive for me. I can still see the rocks in the desert, feel the water in the Sea of Galilee, and remember the hills and caves. I remember the smells and the peace I felt in the garden of Gethsemane. I have stored in my heart many precious memories of historical events and places in Israel.
But one place stood out and affected me more than any other—Masada.
Before traveling to Israel, I had never heard of Masada. This is what God revealed to me while we toured the ancient ruins of Masada. This story is told from the viewpoint of the passionate and religious Jewish Zealots.
Herod, an Edomite, was appointed king by the Romans over all of Israel, and he ruled with an iron hand from 37 BC until about AD 4 He was very wealthy and powerful and built mighty fortresses, palaces, and coliseums. Extensive roads and water systems were designed and made under his rule. The port city of Caesarea was built for extensive trade and entertainment. He was known as King Herod the Great for all that he accomplished with his visionary building programs and his advancement of trade with the surrounding countries. He wanted to be known as the greatest Jewish king that ever lived and was very jealous of his status as king.
To accomplish all of his magnificent building projects, the people of Judea were heavily taxed. Many of the people were forced to build the great stone structures.
To gain favor with the Jewish people and impress the Romans, Herod rebuilt the temple in Jerusalem with gold and marble.
He feared a Jewish revolt and had enemies to the south, so he built several fortresses in the southern Judean desert. These gave him protection when he traveled to his homeland of Edom. One of these fortresses, Masada, was built thirteen hundred feet above the Dead Sea on top of an immense rock outcropping. The top of this huge rock plateau measured 1,900 feet from north to south and 650 feet from east to west. Down its sides were sheer drops of thirteen hundred feet and more. It was located near the southwestern shore of the Dead Sea at the eastern edge of the Judean desert. Masada’s construction started in 36 BC and lasted six years.
This mighty fortress was thought to be impossible to breach. Its height alone provided its greatest defense. Its only entrances were two paths called Snake Paths, which wound their way up the steep east and west sides of the mountain. Both paths led to a gate that was heavily guarded. These narrow paths required any attackers to walk single file, which prevented an effective attack and helped make it one of the strongest and safest fortresses ever built.
A wall was built completely around the top of the huge rock plateau with thirty defensive towers. This was a double wall with living quarters in between the two walls for the servants and barracks for the soldiers.
Herod helped engineer an incredible water system that caught rainwater from the mountains and ravines surrounding Masada. Canals were built to direct the water into reservoirs at the base of Masada. The water was then carried up to the top of the mountain and stored in gigantic cisterns that held a million gallons.
Masada could boast about having every modern convenience of its day. On the mountain’s north face was Herod’s three-tiered palace-villa. A bathing room with a separate steam room was available. Circular porches, gardens, and outdoor pools made the fortress into a desert oasis. Beautiful wall paintings, mosaic tiles, and marble columns decorated its interiors.
Gardens at the southern end provided fresh vegetables. From its enormous storehouses of food and seemingly endless supply of water, Masada could support one thousand people for seven to ten years.
Arsenals were well equipped for defense. Masada was known as one of the grandest strongholds of its day and, supposedly, could not be defeated. Because of its design, it could be successfully defended by only a few soldiers.
As a contrast to Masada, let’s think about the story of David and Goliath from the Bible. The people in many Old Testament Bible stories experienced magnificent victories for God against incredible odds—without Masada’s defenses.
David and Goliath—1 Samuel 17
Young David went out to meet Goliath, though Goliath towered over him. David didn’t have steel weapons or armor. He had no height or fortress to hide in. He had no army fighting with him. He was a young Jewish boy, not yet a warrior, who prayed to his living God, stood alone, and defeated the experienced, giant warrior with a sling and a stone.
In David’s story, God reveals the importance of focusing on Him and not our problems or the situation. We need to rely on God and not ourselves or our fortresses.
In 1 Samuel 17, see how David never focused on his circumstances and never faltered in his trust in God. David was only in charge of his own heart and his faith.
I love how David threw Goliath’s words back in his face. In verse 48, I get chills when I read, “As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.” Can you imagine being that fearless and rushing toward the opposition who holds such incredible odds against you, because you trust God against such odds?
Like David, we are God’s children. We don’t ever have to give up on anything when God is on our side. No situation is hopeless when we trust in God and we focus on His power.
1 Samuel 17:46 says, (David speaking) “This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.”
Here are four points of interest in this story:
1. David never focused on his circumstances, especially in verses 41-49.
2. David never believed the lies. He was not afraid, and he trusted God (verses 24 and 33).
3. David trusted God for victory (verse 37).
4. The God of Israel was given all the glory (verse 37 and verses 45-47).
There are many stories in the Bible with this same theme. Joshua at the battle of Jericho, Gideon and the Midianites, and Sampson at his death are just a few. In each story, the Israelites faced overwhelming odds and trusted God, and in the end, God received the glory.
Who would have received the attention and glory in these stories if the Israelites had had weapons and thousands of fighting men?
There are two kinds of fortresses. David found a mighty fortress in God. In Psalms 18:2, David writes, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” God is the fortress—the true fortress. The Hebrew word for “fortress” in Psalms 18:2 is “Masada.”
The second kind of fortress was King Herod’s Masada, his fortress. The “fact” was that it was the greatest fortress of its day. No one could conquer it. Remember “facts” can either be true or false. Facts aren’t all that important. What is important is that our hearts mirror God’s heart in every situation. We need to love God with all our heart and love others. There are no greater commandments. We are to depend on God 100 percent and trust Him regardless of our situation.
If we can’t do this, it’s because we believe a lie and a counterfeit is active in our lives, and isolation will be the outcome. As I continue the story of Masada, keep these four questions in the back of your mind.
1. On who or what did the people of Masada put their trust?
2. Was their focus on their circumstances or on the living God?
3. Did they believe a lie?
4. Who gets the glory, even today, for Masada?
Under King Herod’s rule, the people of Israel suffered. He was fearful and ruthless. He slaughtered babies in Bethlehem when he feared a king had been born there that would replace him. He killed several of his wives and his own sons to guard his throne. He built Masada to be his fortress in case the Jewish people revolted.
The Jewish people seethed under the Roman rule. They hated the taxes and the oppression. After Herod’s death in approximately AD 4, things even grew worse. The Jews looked for the promised Messiah, a new king, to deliver them from Roman dominion. That’s also why it was difficult for the Jews to accept Jesus as the “King of the Jews.” He offered a different kind of freedom and salvation from what they wanted. Most of them never accepted Him as their Messiah. Since they couldn’t accept the only son of God, they placed their (counterfeit) hope in a conquering messiah who has still not yet arrived. In their spiritual life, they transferred their trust in God to trust in religious rituals.
In AD 66, the Jewish Zealots revolted in Caesarea. Riots and mass killing erupted throughout Israel. For a while, the Zealots gained and held control, but in AD 70, the Romans came to crush the revolt and reconquer all of Israel. They destroyed the cities of Caesarea, Galilee, Gamla, and all of Jerusalem. The temple was torn down and completely destroyed. No stone was left standing. In their wake, the Romans left death and destruction.
The Zealots fled from the destruction of Jerusalem and from the surrounding cities. In the middle of the night, a few men moved at a snail’s pace quietly up Masada’s Snake Path and killed a sleeping guard. They killed most of the occupants in their sleep and captured Masada. Nine hundred and sixty-seven Zealots, including women and children, took refuge there.
Josephus, a Jewish historian, wrote about the last Jewish stand at Masada. This story gives us a lot to think about today.
For approximately three years, the Zealots lived at Masada. They had enough food and water to last ten years. There, they could live in comfort while they studied the Torah. Two baths were built at Masada according to the strict ritual requirements defined in Jewish law—the purpose of the Mikveh bath was to cleanse the spirit, not the body. They gathered and worshipped at the synagogue and obeyed every strict Jewish law. These Zealots would sneak down from Masada, attack and even kill small groups of Romans.
Eventually, the Romans had had enough. The Roman general, Silva, journeyed south with his troops to Masada. Eight Roman camps occupied by fifteen thousand Roman soldiers surrounded Masada’s base. Using Jewish slaves, Silva built a wall over two miles long and six feet wide around the entire mountain base to prevent anyone from escaping. He also used Jewish slaves to bring water and food great distances for the Roman troops.
I wonder what the Zealots thought as they watched fifteen thousand soldiers take up residence at the base of their mountain. I wonder how concerned they were as they watched the wall being built to prevent their escape. They may have been outnumbered, but the advantage was still on their side, safe and high above the desert floor with enough supplies to last for years and with enough men and weapons to easily defend their stronghold.
The acoustics were so clear at Masada that the Zealots could actually hear Roman troops at the base. Curses and threats were exchanged—“psychological warfare.”
The Romans, using Jewish slaves, began to build a siege ramp from the west side because the base of the mountain there was higher than on the east side. The width of the ramp was over two hundred yards, and it extended approximately 210 yards in length from the base of the mountain up to the wall just north of Masada’s west gate. The ramp was layered with dirt, rocks, and timber to prevent it from collapsing during construction. It took over seven months to build.
Zealots were forbidden to kill their fellow Jews that were building the ramp, so all they could do was watch and wait—and seven months is a long time to wait. Finally, the Roman soldiers moved up the finished ramp with their large siege engines. The battering ram was operated from inside a siege tower, and it broke through the walls erected around Masada.
The Zealots rapidly built another wall of wood and dirt, but just as quickly, the Romans set it on fire. Since the new wall was constructed mostly of wood, it was consumed in an enormous flame. Josephus wrote this account: “Now, at the very beginning of this fire, a north wind that blew then proved terrible to the Romans; for by bringing the flame downward, it drove it upon them, and they were almost in despair of success, fearing their machines would be burnt. But after this, suddenly the wind changed direction toward the south, as if it were done by divine providence, and blew strongly and drove the flames against the wall, which was now on fire through its entire thickness. So the Romans, now having assistance from God, returned to their camp with joy and resolved to attack their enemies the very next day.”
The Zealots, among the most religious Jews of that time, knew they were defeated. The Romans would come the next day, and they would all be captured, tortured, or killed. Eleazar, leader of the Zealots, gave a passionate speech to all 350 men. He convinced them it was better to die than to give allegiance to the Romans.
Each man agreed to follow Eleazar’s instructions. Each of the 350 men returned to his family, gave his wife a tender embrace, and kissed his children. Then he killed them with his own hands.
Except for their weapons and food, they burned anything of value to keep it from the Romans.
Next, they drew lots and ten men were chosen. All the men except those ten lay down by their dead wives and children, threw their arms around them, and offered their necks to one of the ten.
When all those men were dead, the ten remaining men cast lots again, and the one man chosen killed the other nine. The one remaining survivor set fire to the palace before running his own sword through himself. Of the over nine hundred Jews, only two women and five children who had hidden were alive the next day to meet the Romans.
I think this is such a sad story. These men and their families had a great passion for what they believed in, but focused on their strict religious laws and circumstances instead of the omnipotent power of their living God. They depended on Masada, a counterfeit fortress, instead of their real fortress, God Himself. They believed the lie that their way was better than God’s way. It seems they planned everything and relied on their own decisions—in their own counterfeit strength—instead of asking God what He wanted them to do. They so believed in their way that they felt justified in murdering their own families.
Prophesy in the book of Daniel was fulfilled at Masada—that the Jewish nation would fall.
The people of Masada were so different than David, Gideon, and the other great men of faith. Did God allow this to happen to fulfill prophecy and so we might learn from the deaths of these people? Do we today depend on our own counterfeit strength and resources for confidence and security? When we trust in ourselves and look at our circumstances, do we become overwhelmed and find ourselves without hope? Is this why there are so many divorces among born-again Christians?
The Zealots of Masada still get the glory today, not God. Israel has made the Zealots of Masada national heroes. Every newly enlisted soldier travels to Masada to swear their allegiance to Israel and swear, “Never again.” The Israel of today still focuses on the counterfeit fortresses of Masada and the passion of the Zealots and their dedication to religious laws and traditions. They’re still waiting for their messiah.
I want to remember the Jews of Masada who had rejected Jesus forty years earlier. They rejected Him as the Lamb of God and rejected Him as their Lord and King. I want to remember how they believed in and relied on their religious teachings, rituals, and laws with stubborn and unmoving conviction. Their passion and beliefs prevented them from gazing intently on God.
They didn’t remember and recognize that God’s ways are so different from ours. They even felt justified in killing their own families and each other—accepting and justifying this even though it went against their own strict religious beliefs.
I believe God had a plan that didn’t include murder and suicide. Nowhere in the Bible do I see God ever asking His people for this kind of sacrifice. Counterfeits often encourage us to do things that go against God’s heart and His desires, resulting in actions we should know are wrong. Masada resulted in the ultimate isolation of murder and death.
Masada demonstrates what can happen when people rely on their own strength and resources. It would be sad if we just pointed our fingers at them and said, “Shame on them.” If we don’t search our own lives for our Masadas, our counterfeits, then we too will be deceived and live lives inconsistent with God’s heart. Do you have a Masada (something you trust in) in your own life—a counterfeit that has the appearance of knowledge or truth?
• I think our pride can be like Masada’s height. We have confidence and want to be in charge or in control. It is our main defense in relationships.
• The food in the storehouses of Masada could be like the knowledge and education we obtain to get ahead and sustain us. Do we put our security in our intellect?
• The defense towers could be the flesh patterns we quickly use to defend ourselves.
• Masada’s weapons could be our physical strength, our anger, or the cruel words we use to hurt and intimidate others.
• Masada’s synagogue could be our self-confidence in biblical knowledge that separates us from others or keeps us so busy learning that we don’t pursue deep relationships. Perhaps, we have a distorted understanding of some biblical truths, which distracts us and keeps us from seeing God’s truth for our lives.
• The Mikveh could be our scheduled Bible reading and structured prayer lives. Those are good things, but must be done with the proper attitude and love for our heavenly Father—not done to earn favor or acceptance by God or just to obey His rules, or as just another practice that makes us look good to others.
• The palace and swimming pools could be those pleasurable things in our life that we seek to distract us from our relationship with God and others.
• The walls of Masada are like the walls we build around our hearts to keep people out and hide our true self from others.
• The possessions of the Zealots could represent all the things that are important to us to buy, collect, think about, and take care of—a distraction from relationships.
I walked away from the ruins of Masada with a heavy heart. I don’t believe God wanted them to kill their families and then each other. It simply didn’t mirror God’s heart to trust in Him, to love Him with all our heart, and to love one another.
I saved a small rock from Masada and a small piece of the timber and stone from the siege ramp. I carry these inside an old watch casing on my wrist to remember what happens when we build our own fortresses and rely on counterfeits instead of God. Engraved on the back is Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB): “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
I always want to remember that God’s ways are so different than mine.
I lived most of my life being distracted with painful memories and temporal things. Most of my life, I was tough and depended on myself. So many times I said, “I don’t need anybody.” Now that God has healed my heart, I never want to be that hard, independent person again. I will wear the “sticks and stones” from the Roman siege ramp at Masada to constantly remind myself that God is my rock and my fortress—I never want to forget what happened at Masada in Israel. I always want to ask God to show me what the counterfeits are in my life and how to love and need Him every moment on my journey.
The Courageous Hearts assignment is to ask yourself these questions:
• Who or what is my Masada?
• Are there active counterfeits in my life causing my relationships to move toward isolation?
• Am I willing to ask God to reveal them to me?
• Are there things in my life that prevent me from loving God with all my heart?
If you have a relationship that is in serious trouble, consider taking your focus off the problem and focusing on what God can do for you and your loved ones. Through this troubled relationship, God can reveal to you what is in your heart. He can pinpoint areas or hidden pain or distractions that own ground in your heart. As long as we allow those areas to be influenced by the enemy, we can’t love God with all our heart. We need to love Him and trust Him to overcome these strongholds.
In so many Bible stories, for His own glory, God helps His people overcome incredible odds. He wants us also to turn to Him as our fortress and let Him be our help in time of trouble. He wants us to know He can do it and will do it, and He wants to receive all the glory for it.
Are you facing something in your life that seems impossible? Have you already given up or are you about to give up? Do you believe the lies of the enemy that the situation can no longer be resolved? God loves these odds! He is waiting for us to admit that everything we have tried has failed and we just can’t do it.
That is exactly where God wants you to be—willing to surrender, willing to say you can’t do it. He wants you to quit trying. He wants you to let go of the knot at the end of your rope and let Him catch you. He wants to start renewing your soul and restoring your relationships as you begin to trust in Him completely.
There is no way I get any credit for the wonderful relationships in my family. Until nine years ago, I did my very best and it almost destroyed all of us. Now I do it God’s way, and He alone gets the credit. Praise God!
He could also get all the credit someday for your wonderfully restored relationships if you too should choose to just let go and let God have His way.
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge; He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold” (Ps. 18:2).
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6).
“In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You” (Ps. 33:21-22).