Chapter 7

Satan’s Frontal Attack

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry” (Ps. 34:15).

Our close relationships really got the enemy’s attention, and Satan declared war. In September, he had tried to make us think the healing was finished so we would relax. Next, he tried to discourage us, using arguments and criticism from other people. Now, he tried an all-out frontal attack to prevent our victory. He tried to overwhelm us with problems and distract us through the following events that happened over the next few months.

The first night we were home from the counseling office, our little fifteen-year-old Pomeranian, Nellie, became very ill and had trouble breathing. She loved me, but I couldn’t stand to be around her. I wasn’t mean to her, but she would always pressure me for attention, and it made me feel guilty when I didn’t give her any. She would cower around me and tremble—it seemed she was trying to make me feel sorry for her. She made me feel the same way my mother made me feel when I was a teenager and young adult. Steve and I knew we needed to put Nellie down—we just weren’t expecting to have to do it our first night home! Steve took care of it, and I felt horrible. I knew that even though I could finally love our little dog, it was too late.

The next night we got a call from friends who had been at family camp with us. They wanted us to come over and share with them what we had learned from our counseling session.

I told Adam, “Stay at home and don’t call us unless it’s an emergency. Family friends may come over, but no one else tonight (‘family friends’ meant close friends of our sons who were almost like family).”

We didn’t get home until about 10:00 p.m. The house was empty. We were exhausted, especially after talking all night for several nights that week in our hotel room in Colorado Springs, so we just went to bed. An hour later, I was awakened by the living room TV.

I got up and found the living room filled with four guys and four girls. Dan and Adam quickly explained that they had all walked to the movie theatre but were all kicked out for laughing too loud. The girls didn’t have a ride home, so they all walked back to our house. I thought that was pretty sound thinking and I told them so. They emphasized that they didn’t go out in anyone’s car, but they thought it would be OK to walk to the theatre. Not riding with friends in cars was the standard rule at our house, so I could understand their thinking.

I went into the kitchen and did some cleaning while they finished watching the movie on the TV, and then I volunteered to take everyone home. At 1:30 a.m., after the last teen was dropped off, both of my sons said at once, “Pull over!” I parked the car by the side of the road and faced them.

“What is the matter with you, Mom?” they asked. I didn’t have a clue what they meant, so I said, “What are you talking about?”

“You’re supposed to be yelling at us! We left the house and brought girls home without permission. We didn’t even know you and Dad were at home! That’s what!”

I felt calm inside as I answered, “All I cared about was that you got home safely. You had a problem, and you solved it the best way you knew how. You made a decision to bring everyone to our house. You weren’t doing anything wrong with the girls. I just don’t feel like yelling tonight. Sorry. Remind me in about six months and maybe I’ll feel like yelling then.”

We went home, and both boys gave me a kiss good night and said, “Thanks, Mom.” Some thank-yous are more memorable than others.

I felt like I had been given a new life. I understood forgiveness now and could finally express love freely and naturally—God-given love that enabled me to allow my sons opportunities to make their own decisions, even if those decisions were different than mine.

When we can freely express God’s love made alive in us through the Holy Spirit, we will become aware of and can take advantage of new opportunities to love.

About that time, I was given an opportunity to love my mother-in-law during her last few days on earth. For many years, she only tolerated me, but my new ability to accept and love her drew her close to me during her last few months.

I shared with her that I finally heart-connected emotionally with her son, Steve, for the first time. She let me tell her about most of my new heart’s journey. The last four days of her life I spent with her were one of my life’s richest experiences. I spent much of the time gently stroking her hair while silently praying for her. I could love her just the way she was. God didn’t have time to heal her heart and help her forgive and love others His way. She died on Valentine’s Day. It was really special thinking about her in heaven, getting a brand-new heart on Valentine’s Day. My heart misses her still. That’s the problem with getting heart-connected with someone—you become intimately connected with them. When they are gone, you keenly feel their absence for a very long time. It’s worth it though.

In March, I attended a week-long intensive conference to learn how to care about people’s hearts. I learned how to lead someone to their stronghold and how to pray with them to get free. It was exciting to think that God might use me to help others heal their damaged hearts. I enjoyed the training seminar, but I came home pretty sick with a lingering cough that put me to bed for about six weeks. During this time, our taxes on our property went up about $150 a month, and Steve’s pay was cut back 10 percent during a downturn in the economy.

I was also helping Steve’s elderly uncle who lived in a rest home close by. When I started feeling better, I again assisted with his needs. One time after visiting him, I received a call saying he was failing and was expected to die. I just couldn’t believe it when he died ten minutes later.

My emotions were on a roller-coaster ride. Loved ones were dying, and our finances were going down the drain. The only thing positive at this time was our relationships. The days seemed to flow from one crisis to another. At times, I really felt like the struggles weren’t worth this new “heart stuff.” My family felt loved, but sometimes I felt like quitting until I realized the enemy was feeding me lies. I kept falling back on my promise to God: Show me what is in my heart and I will clean it up with Your help. The bottom line—I wanted God to have access to all my heart, all my mind, and all my will.

I think the enemy finally realized that I wasn’t going to quit. I intended to get my heart cleaned up 100 percent, and I had faith that Jesus was right there fighting my battles for me. After the intensive counseling training seminar, I made a new commitment to help anyone who wanted help if I could find the time.

Concerning our boys, we never did take back rules and control. By now, they realized they were truly in charge of their own lives—they were thriving. Dan no longer cleared his throat constantly and his nervous eye-blinking had stopped. I don’t know when it stopped, but we just noticed one day that he no longer exhibited his nervous habits. He became more relaxed in school and took ownership of his own grades. Each semester, both Dan’s and Adam’s grades became better and better.

Love was also making a huge difference in Adam’s life. I had lost count of how many times Adam got in trouble the year before in eighth grade. Before I began my courageous heart journey, every teacher from first through eighth grade reported problems and had negative comments about Adam. I don’t recall a single nice thing said about him from any teacher during those eight years of school. However, starting from the first day of school in the ninth grade, Adam never got into trouble again. He didn’t disturb the class, and his grades improved. When we attended teacher conferences, teacher after teacher kept saying what a neat kid Adam was. One of his teachers said he participated in class and was a real help to others. Dan was with me, and we both said at the same time, “Are you talking about the Adam Cook?!”

I visited the last teacher by myself who also praised Adam. She really liked him and appreciated his thoughtfulness to others in the class. Somewhere in the middle of her praise, I realized tears were flowing from my eyes. I could not contain my joy for what the Lord was doing for me and my family.

Something special had changed in Adam and Dan. They didn’t need to be pressured, lectured, restricted, taught a valuable lesson, or controlled. They just needed to feel loved and be given room to discover who they were. They needed to practice being in charge of their own lives and make some of their own decisions as they prepared for adulthood.

We continued to be under heavy attack from the enemy. School was coming to a close, and I couldn’t figure out why our lives were so stressful. While our lives had been relatively crisis free before family camp, our relationships were trashed; now everything else was trashed while our relationships were great!

It was during this time that we learned the value of arguments. Satan meant to destroy us with arguments. Instead, we learned how to use an argument to discover a long-hidden issue and resolve it. For about ten months, the enemy kept trying to discourage us when we argued, but we learned to view arguments as gifts from God. We would attack the issue instead of the other person. We learned to care about the other person’s heart and come out victorious. The biggest changes came when I could mentally separate myself from the argument, calm down, and pray out loud, “Jesus, make the enemy go away. Show me my husband’s heart.”

I remembered learning at camp that if you were in moral failure it could cause financial problems, and our finances were in trouble. I decided to take a closer look at our lives to make sure it was the enemy’s attack and not because of a sin or a stronghold in our lives.

I asked Steve point-blank, “Are you into pornography or something?”

My motive was not to attack and belittle. It was to target the sin, forgive from my heart, and then talk about it. I was pretty sure Steve had never had an affair, but I was genuinely prepared to listen and to forgive him if he had. He answered, “No. I’m not having an affair and I’m not getting into pornography.”

I was hoping the sin would fall at his feet this time, but it would have been sad if it had. Not because I might have been crushed and that we would have to work out the moral issues, but because I would have stopped searching my own heart and just blamed Steve for our current financial struggles. The enemy was trying to discourage us and make us give up. His efforts backfired and just caused me to once again dig deeper into my own heart.

I remembered that along with other issues, temporal-values issues could cause financial problems. I was reluctant to tell God that I wanted to get free of my desires to go to garage sales and shop at flea markets. Even though I rarely went shopping anymore for a quick emotional fix, I had never repented of this desire or turned it over to the Lord. I was afraid that after all God had done for me, I would fail Him. Note the emphasis here on success depending on my efforts.

Steve and I talked, and he helped me to bring it to the Lord and let Him help me get free of it. Steve remarked, “You aren’t in charge of your success—God is.” I realized that was so true—it was very insightful to me. I hadn’t been in charge of my anger issue—God was. My anger had just melted away when God healed my heart. He could do the same with my temporal-value problem. I didn’t need another self-improvement activity where success was based on my performance. By bringing my temporal-value problem to Jesus, I was confessing to Jesus that in the past, I relied on things to meet my emotional needs instead of Him. These things meant more to me and received more of my attention than He did. It was a form of idol worship. My temporal-value issue also caused my family to feel emotionally disconnected from me.

I needed to be free of my twisted desire to shop for and buy things, and I wanted to know and love Jesus better. On June 1, ten months after family camp, Steve and I prayed the generational forgiveness prayer (see Appendix H). I asked God to fill that portion of my heart with His satisfying presence and love. I asked Him to help me forgive my parents for passing their temporal-value issues down to me. Then I prayed the forgiveness prayer to forgive myself for cultivating temporal values and for passing those values on down to my kids. It was so exciting to get free of this. As a result, my children felt even more important and loved by me.

Steve helped me understand I could still enjoy the simple pleasure of shopping in flea markets and buying things. Getting free of temporal values meant giving my problems to Jesus and receiving His comfort and strength. I could still shop for fun—not depending anymore on this comfortable flesh pattern for stress relief.

Earlier in the spring, Adam had worked for a hockey coach, teaching younger kids to skate. In return, he got to attend two expensive summer hockey camps for free. He had worked this out for himself and was enthusiastic about the opportunity. For twelve weeks, he worked hard at his new coaching job. On the evening of June 13, Adam went to help teach. The head coach said, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you at the hockey camp in Windsor.” Adam said he had forgotten about it and would see him there the next morning. That night, Adam told me he had a headache and wasn’t feeling very well and that he had forgotten about camp. He went to bed early.

The next morning he was still feeling poorly. I said it was up to him if he wanted to go to camp, but if he tried to attend and then decided he wasn’t up to it, I would drive back to the ice rink and get him. He decided to go. I had just gotten home from dropping him off when the phone rang. Adam wanted me to come and get him. He made it through the exercise and warm-ups, but felt a little sick and was tired.

Ten months before, I would have lectured him about sticking with something and that he should have scheduled his activities better to save energy for important things. I would have told him, “Eating like a typical teen is not healthy. No wonder you have no energy. I can’t get you to eat anything at dinnertime.” I would have said, “I’ll pick you up at noon when hockey camp is over. It’s up to you, if you choose to skate or not.” Then, with one more dig, I would have thrown the money (temporal value) issue at him, saying, “You’re throwing away $575!”

Instead, because of God’s healing touch in my life, I meant it when I said lovingly, “I’m on my way.” I let Adam make his own decision. Let me be clear—I was not struggling over this; no thinking was involved. I just cared for Adam and met his need. Caring about him now came naturally.

The next day, Adam slept in and blew off camp again because he was still tired. On Friday, he decided it was no use going because he wasn’t in shape to give and receive the impact of full body checking. Besides, they had already established the hockey lines for the week, and he would just mess things up by going. That would have been the first week in three months that he would have participated in full body checking. The summer camp was designed to get players in shape and toughen them up for the upcoming season. For months, Adam had worked himself hard and gotten in top shape to go to this camp. Even though he lived for hockey, this was still his decision to make.

The following day, his grandfather came to Loveland, and Steve, Adam, Dan, and Grandpa all went sporting clays shooting for the day along with some other friends. Usually, Adam was a pretty good shot, but that day he was off. He was in an irritable mood and blamed his performance on a headache and feeling tired. He finally quit shooting altogether and just walked around with me.

That night, Steve and I prayed for Adam and for Chad, his best friend. The next morning, I was going to drive them to Nebraska to a senior high church camp. We prayed, “God, perhaps this coming week, you can get Chad and Adam’s attention and get a hold of their hearts.”

The five-hour drive the next morning was fun, and they asked me to stay with them at camp. Adam knew I could stay and help in the camp cafeteria as I had done in past years. It was a difficult decision to make. I loved it that Chad and Adam wanted me to stay, but I was torn. I also wanted to spend the week with Dan and Steve. In the end, I drove home to be with Dan and Steve and to celebrate my birthday with them on June 20.

On the evening of June 20, we arrived home from my birthday dinner. We were welcomed home with a beeping answering machine with four new messages.

First message: “Hi, Mom. It’s Adam. Happy Birthday! I’m just calling from camp. I guess you’re out. I’ll call back. Bye.”

Second message: “Hi, this is Adam, and, ummm, I just called to say I’m not feeling really good. I’ve had a headache for the past six days and, ummm, earlier today, you know the white part of your eye? Well, earlier today, Chad said the whites on the side of my eyes were starting to turn a greenish color or so. Uhhh—I don’t know if that is really bad or something. But when you get this message, give me a call or I’ll try to call back in an hour. Thanks. Bye.”

Third message: “Yeah. This is what happened. I turned yellow. But this is cool, and my eyes turned green. But the nurse gave me Tylenol, and she said I’m gonna be Ooooo-Kay. I still want to see a doctor (chuckle, chuckle). Call me sometime. Yeah, hmm. Ummm . . . here’s Chad.”

Chad: Did I tell you he’s not getting enough sleep, so I’m going to knock him out?

Adam: That would be good, but he is just kidding about knocking me out. That might make me turn more yellow. Hmmm. I’m dying, but I think I will be OK (chuckle), but seriously, I’ve had a headache for six weeks. I don’t think I’m getting pumped up with the right stuff. I was wondering if you could get me some Advil. Advil would be good right now. Yeah, I saw a tunnel a while ago, but I stayed away from the light and, hmm, I think I’m going to make it, Mom. I really do. OK? I hope you enjoyed my message (pause). I love you (pause). It might be the last thing you hear. Bye.

Fourth message: “Hey, Mom. Just want you to know that I’m still alive. I’m not going down on this one easy. I’ll be calling you about every five minutes. Bye.”

This was my birthday greeting. Adam has such a great sense of humor. We were all laughing so hard we were crying. Adam loves to make people laugh, and he exaggerates to promote his humor. We enjoyed hearing how his headaches went from six days to six weeks. He delivered the messages like they were the jokes of the century. We honestly didn’t know what to think of these messages.

I called the camp nurse and talked about his condition and also called our local doctor. I told him the camp nurse said Adam wasn’t running a fever; he was in good spirits and making the entire camp laugh at him for looking like a lizard. Our doctor said it sounded like he just had yellow jaundice for some reason, but it shouldn’t be serious. He didn’t see any need for me to go and get him. He told me to make an appointment and bring him in when camp was over.

I felt better about Adam’s headache and so-called illness. We listened to his messages several more times and laughed through each one.

I talked to Adam later that night, and we agreed that if he wasn’t feeling better the next day, he should have someone from the camp take him to the emergency room at the hospital ten miles away at North Platte.

Adam rarely got sick and never complained much, even on those one or two occasions over the previous eight years. Because of this, I had learned to listen carefully to even a slight complaint from him because he was most likely really sick. However, as the years went by, I sometimes forgot to listen to those minor complaints, especially when they were laced with humor.

By noon the next day, Adam still had a headache and wasn’t feeling any better, but he wasn’t any worse either. That day, I was finally listening to his very minor complaints between the jokes, and I asked that someone take him to the emergency room just to make sure he was all right.

Two hours later, a doctor from North Platte called me.

“Hello. May I speak to Sherilyn Cook? This is Dr. ________ (I don’t remember his name) from North Platte.”

“This is Sherilyn. Are you taking care of Adam? How is he?”

“Yes. I’m the doctor in charge, and I am calling with his blood-test results. Adam is in serious condition. We think he has acute leukemia. We can’t find any platelets in his blood. We need your permission to fly him to Denver in a Flight-for-Life helicopter.”

My legs gave out from under me. I sat heavily in a nearby chair. For a few moments, I was speechless. I began to shake. My heart began racing and pounding hard against my chest, and I found it hard to breathe or think.

I heard the doctor say, “I won’t release him from the hospital, because he could bleed to death if he should bump his knee or if he should start bleeding internally for any reason. I’m not sure he can make the ambulance ride for five hours, so I need to fly him to the hospital. Do I have your permission for the flight? Which hospital would you like him to go to?”

I know how it feels to be emotionally pulled from the car like in “The Accident.” My emotions were exploding inside of me. I got the doctor’s phone number and answered the necessary questions only after he asked me several times. I don’t remember hanging up. I just put my head down and bawled. Every pore in my body screamed in anguish.

I cried out, “Jesus, are you going to take him from me? I just learned how to love him and I’ve just discovered what an awesome kid he is. Please don’t let him die! Jesus, are you here, right now? I need to know. Can you show me in a word picture, a song, a verse, or a thought that you know what is going on and that you are in control?”

Instantly, in my mind, I again saw Jesus’s hand holding my mother’s hand that was holding the knife to my throat. This word picture had to be from God—I would have never thought of that picture on my own! I was still scared and concerned for Adam, but I was filled—right at that moment—with a peace that went way beyond all human understanding. I knew nothing could happen to Adam unless God allowed it. I knew Jesus was with Adam in the face of death just like He had been with me. In that moment, my fear turned to peace.

I called the golf course and asked for someone go out to get Steve where he was playing in a league match. I called and talked to Adam again. I found out that his helicopter flight had been delayed for two hours and then canceled altogether because of bad weather.

I talked that evening to a very scared Adam before he was loaded into an ambulance headed for Denver Children’s Hospital. Adam had been led to believe that he might have only three days to live. The doctor had been very frank with him about the seriousness of his condition.

I told him, “You just have it out with God. Just tell Him you are afraid and you need to know if He is in the ambulance with you. Just talk to Him and expect an answer. It’s time for you to get real with God, and He’ll be real with you.” I shared that I loved him and said, “Dad and I will be waiting at the hospital in Denver when you arrive.”

Later, Adam told me, “I prayed all the way to the hospital for five hours. I never prayed so much in all my life.”

While Steve and I were growing up, if anyone got leukemia, which is a cancer of the blood, they usually died. In fact, four months earlier, Steve’s mother had died of chronic leukemia. She had suffered for years.

At 2:00 a.m., we arrived at the hospital in time to meet Adam’s ambulance. Adam was as yellow as a banana, and the whites of his eyes were an avocado green!

Doctors started immediate blood transfusions, and several tests were done. The blood tests confirmed his illness. Within the hour, an oncology doctor came in to speak to us. He told us Adam did indeed have leukemia.

We were given a quick summation of the different types of leukemia. The survival rate for some types had less than a 5 percent chance of survival and some gave a patient about a 20 percent chance to live. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (A.L.L. or ALL) had almost a 70 percent chance of survival—two out of three patients lived. We called everyone and asked them to pray that Adam would have ALL.

Around 5:00 p.m., Adam was prepared for surgery, and a port was implanted next to his heart for regular administration of chemotherapy drugs. After the surgery, the doctor informed us of the good news. Adam had leukemia, but he got the best one. We called it the best of our worst nightmares.

Having ALL meant that Adam would need to receive chemotherapy every day for the next thirty-nine months. We learned that the average child has over sixty thousand miles of blood vessels. There was a 67 percent chance that chemo drugs could kill all of the bad blood cells that were multiplying so rapidly and never dying off. These cells were taking over Adam’s blood and crowding out the platelets and white blood cells. They would also have to be chased down and killed in the other parts of his body including the fluid in his spinal column. We were thankful for the high recovery percentage and tried not to think too much about the one child out of three that would still die.

For the next few days, Adam received numerous blood transfusions and platelet transfusions. He was poked and scanned, and he endured every test imaginable. One day flowed into the next as they worked to get his yellow jaundice under control so he could start taking chemo.

He kept asking, “Am I going to get to play hockey this fall?” Hockey friends came to visit him at the hospital and were a wonderful and much-needed boost for him. The hockey league he had played in for six years presented him with a full scholarship for that fall and told him they would hold a space for him on the A team. That promise alone gave Adam hope that he was going to live. It gave him something special to look forward to and made him feel like his life as he knew it wasn’t being taken away from him.

On our second day at Children’s Hospital, Adam’s doctor told him he would get to Make-A-Wish. Boy, did that make his day! I gave him a piece of paper. Within minutes, he needed a bigger piece of paper, as he kept crossing off one idea and writing another. For everyone who has ever supported the Make-A-Wish Foundation, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. A child with cancer has so much fun thinking of their wish. It’s a way to take each child’s mind off the probability and fear of dying and focus on something fun. Adam had just turned fifteen and he wasn’t short of ideas for his Make-A-Wish—he spent many hours that first week making lists of expensive possibilities!

God drew our family together in a closer bond than we had ever experienced before. Dan and I basically lived at the hospital all that week, and Steve drove down every day. Adam and I watched videos round the clock, and the room took on more of a party atmosphere than a depressing atmosphere of cancer striking a family. Included in the video library on the hospital floor for cancer patients, we found several movies of famous young athletes that died of cancer. Adam was able to laugh about it and say, “How sick is that?”

We made light of the fact he was going to lose all his hair. He decided he wanted to wear a dreadlock wig to school, and we all laughed over that. We laughed even more when my sister bought him one! Even though he never wore it to school, it was worth its weight in gold for the fun it caused.

Adam also made a “David Letterman Top 10” list for reasons it is great to be a teenager with leukemia!

10. No one will ever ask me to donate blood.

9. The military won’t draft me or want me.

8. I don’t have to worry about dyeing my hair anymore. I can just use a magic marker on my bald head.

7. I will have a nice complexion.

6. Cancer is better than mononucleosis—the girls can still kiss me.

5. I get to miss a lot of school.

4. I get to watch lots and lots of TV.

3. I will never have to get anything for myself again. My parents are planning on spoiling me rotten.

2. I finally get my own cell phone.

1. I get to make a wish!

We spent those first nine days in the hospital, crying and laughing, but always praying—and, yes, making lists. The enemy meant to use Adam’s illness as another attack on our family, but instead we pulled closer to each other and closer to God.

On the tenth day, Adam and I checked out of the hospital and headed home in my little orange VW Bug. We were driving north on I-25 when Adam said, “Hasn’t this been an amazing week? It’s been awesome!”

I was really caught off guard. Up to that time, he hadn’t said anything like that. “Did I miss something?” I teased him lightheartedly. “Didn’t you just learn that you have leukemia? What exactly are you talking about?”

He replied, “I did just what you said, Mom. I had it out with God. I just told Him how afraid I was, and I needed to know if He was with me in the ambulance. I immediately felt His presence, and I felt it all week through every test and every moment I was in the hospital. Isn’t that cool? I didn’t know you could really feel God’s presence.”

“I didn’t ask Him to heal me or anything like that, but I asked that He help the doctors figure out what is wrong with me and know how to fix it. I told God that I would do whatever it took to get well, because I know He is with me and He will help me.”

I pulled off the interstate to wipe the tears away and give him a hug. I told him, “Yes, it is wonderful to know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that God is with us.”

Steve and I had prayed that God would get a hold of Adam’s heart, and He answered our prayer.

Reflections: Chapter 7

I once heard that Life is what happens to us when we are busy making other plans. Most of the time, God’s plans are very different than our own.

If we can bring ourselves to stop complaining and fighting God, we can surrender to Him. By surrendering, we allow the Holy Spirit to replace those areas of sin in our heart with His presence and power—remember that areas of sin and strongholds come from generational sin passed down to us and abuse or sin we cultivate. If we can surrender that to God, then we can rest in His peace as God’s plan unfolds in our lives. We can accept God’s plan for our lives if we fully trust in Him.

You might ask, “If someone abuses me, how is that hidden sin in my heart?” Truthfully, the blame or guilt of the original sin does not belong to you. But when you choose to hold onto your anger and unforgiveness toward the person who abused you, that is the hidden sin in your heart. God wants you to obey Him and forgive that person who sinned against you.

Steve and I never expected God to reach Adam’s heart by allowing him to become seriously ill with cancer. I’m not blaming God or even saying He made this happen. Life and death and everything in between happen, but God can make something beautiful out of the horrible. If we trust in Him, sometimes we can see the good, walk in the Spirit, and bring glory to God throughout the journey. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Strongholds prevent us from trusting in God, whether we’re on a mountaintop experience or in a valley of despair. They also trigger flesh patterns that distract us from seeing God’s purpose or the good that can come from difficult situations like teenage cancer. Because of this, I would like to share areas of sin that are directly related to strongholds. Ten of these areas come from what Steve and I learned at camp. I’ve included three additional areas that I think are relevant. Satan uses all thirteen to cleverly distract us from our relationship with God and from our earthly relationships.

Any of these thirteen sin areas can be passed down to you by your parents and then can be passed down to your children. And most can also be cultivated by us even if they are not passed down. Some are done to us without our permission.

One common factor in each area of sin is that the enemy feeds lies to us and we buy it. Satan is the father of lies. Each area of sin involves trying to get our needs met apart from God—that is the very heart of sin. After we are deceived and believe the lies and act upon the enemy’s lies, we will find one or more of these sins evident in our lives. These sins are revealed by our flesh patterns.

After I give a very brief description of each area of sin, I’ll describe what some resulting flesh patterns might look like. My goal is not to completely educate you, but to help you start thinking and asking yourself questions like How is this sin area affecting my life? How does it affect my relationships with people and with God?

If you become aware of additional areas, write them on your own list. Remember, acting upon Satan’s lies always lead to isolation. Each one is designed to break down relationships in some way—Satan’s goal!

I encourage you to be brave and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart and reveal the sins in your life that break down intimacy with God and your loved ones. God alone can reveal those areas where the enemy is lying to you and deceiving you.

1. Bitterness

Unresolved hurt, pain, disappointment, fear, and deep sorrow can and will grow into bitterness if we let it. Bitterness can turn a tender heart capable of loving into a hardened heart full of resentment, anger, and unforgiveness.

Bitterness manifests itself in our life (flesh pattern) through anger, negative attitudes, and a hard or harsh personality. A bitter person can be stern, uncompassionate, or rigid in their rules. They may hold grudges and demand that others meet their expectations. A bitter person may resist other peoples’ opinions or leadership. Often, a person can be bitter and not know it.

Unforgiveness causes bitterness. Do you sometime tense up or feel a quiet undercurrent of anger when you hear a certain person’s name mentioned? Can you remember a list of offenses that someone did to you in great detail? Do you get angry when talking about a certain person? Have you ever said, “I will never forgive that person”? Then you probably have unresolved bitterness in your heart toward that person.

Do you frequently experience excessive anger for minor things? Perhaps, you are bitter toward a person years ago who created a similar incident.

Bitterness grows like cancer in a body. I believe bitterness affects almost every area of your life in some way. Only forgiveness conquers bitterness. Bitterness is often overlooked and justified in our lives because we believe the lie that we have every right to be angry and to withhold forgiveness. We bury the emotional hurt and get on with our lives thinking we are done with that unfortunate event. Wrong! The bitterness stays and it will eat away at your heart and affect many other areas of your life. Unforgiveness is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die. When we forgive others, we benefit first.

2. Pride

The definition of pride in most dictionaries sounds wonderful. Sayings like “take pride in your work” or “Be proud of your children” sound good. Then why does the Bible say in Proverbs 16:18, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall,” or in 1 Peter 5:5, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”?

Pride that God opposes involves comparing yourself to others and looking down on them. It also involves being too confident and trusting in your own thoughts and abilities—having too great a confidence in yourself: Where you lean on your own understanding and trust in your own abilities—where you draw your own conclusions separate from God. However, the Bible teaches us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Pride is often evident when a person tries to control others. In fact, pride usually involves control. A prideful person loves control and wants to control others. A prideful person expects others to do things his or her way.

Do you outwardly or inwardly control people or situations? This can be difficult to see sometimes, especially if you are a mom. If you don’t know, ask your husband or wife if you are controlling. Ask for and expect an honest answer and don’t be surprised at a yes even if, like me, you think you are not a control freak. Don’t be fooled, thinking that controlling people are only people who are bossy and loud and don’t say please. Hidden pride can mean that you control others in a nonverbal way. Either kind of pride can make loved ones feel dominated and trapped. A controlling person can even act very politely in the process, but the results are the same. Those being controlled do not feel free, comfortable, or loved.

Do you get angry or frustrated when things don’t go your way? Do you pressure people? Is it very important that your children and family look good in their appearance, academics, and behavior? Do you value your opinion more than other people’s? There is inward pride and outward pride. Be sure to consider both.

Is it difficult for you to take instruction or criticism from someone? Perhaps, you are good at justifying your actions and attitudes instead of bringing them before Christ for His opinion and for clarification.

God hates pride. Pride is involved whenever you do anything independently from Him. He hates it because He is jealous of His relationship with us and our pride gets in the way.

3. Temporal Values

If you give anything more importance than God or His ways, it can be considered a god or an idol. Giving this kind of importance to temporal (vs. eternal) things is sin, because it puts value on something before God. Anything can be a god if it comes before our love and devotion to God. It can be things like eating, sports, work, “stuff,” or other people, etc. It takes a courageous heart to closely examine the true importance of any one thing in our life. We need to determine if we regard each thing as a normal blessing from God or if we have crossed over an invisible line and made that same thing more important than our love and devotion to God.

You can quickly evaluate each thing or activity by asking questions like “Does it draw me closer to God?” “Does my family feel loved because of this or while I am doing this?” and “Does this line up with God’s ways or with His heart?”

There are many lies the enemy feeds us in this area. Here are a few: I need these things; God wants me to have these things; I don’t have a temporal value problem; There are lots of other people doing this—it can’t be that bad; I go to church on Sunday and I pray, so what is so wrong in having fun the rest of the time? There is nothing wrong with collecting something; I need to work long hours to support my family; I deserve this; etc. Believing these lies help us to justify our actions.

The truth is that we can justify anything, and most reasons really do sound acceptable. However, it doesn’t matter about the good things we do or the bad things we do. What matters is the condition of our heart when we’re doing them.

Is there something that is taking your focus, time, attention, and thought life away from God and your family? Do you run to something when you feel emotional trauma—when you’re troubled, stressed, rejected, criticized, or judged? Do you run to things like food, pornography, buying things, the computer, working late to avoid home, etc.? Emotional trauma activates our flesh patterns causing us to do things like seeking a comfortable escape, fulfilling a momentary need, causing a temporary distraction, or doing anything that will provide momentary gratification or relief.

The connecting lie to any temporal-value activity is that doing it only causes you to feel better momentarily. Temporal values only help us feel better temporarily. You have to repeat the activity when that moment’s gratification is over. You will feel a strong pull to repeat over and over the temporal value that has attached itself to you like a barnacle on a whale. It will not just fall off all by itself—it becomes permanently attached to you and you to it. It will reappear and repeat itself often.

When you are emotionally attached to a temporal value of any kind, you cannot put God first and you can’t be completely and emotionally connected to your family. This sin destroys family relationships and often causes financial problems, but always leads to isolation. Only Jesus can free you of these repetitive patterns (that stem from a stronghold) as you cry out to Him and acknowledge your sin.

4. Rebellion

Webster’s Dictionary defines rebellion as open opposition to any authority. A rebellious person defies and resists authority or control. A teenager or an adult can obey orders and still be rebellious. Rebellion is not only about our actions, but it, again, is also about the attitude of our heart. The very first sin was Eve listening to Satan’s lie and then questioning God’s authority—deciding to do what God had commanded her and Adam not to do. Obedience is fundamental for our walk with Christ. In John 14:21, Jesus says, “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, He is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”

Were your parents rebellious? Do you find it difficult to conform to someone else’s rules? Were you able to obey your parents in your youth? If you rebelled against them, then you probably still have a rebellious attitude now. This sin will not only keep you from accepting God’s plan and purpose for your life, but will also often be passed down to your children, hampering their ability to accept God’s plan for their lives.

Rebelliousness says you want to be in charge. You want to pick and choose what you will and will not obey. A rebellious heart will resist wise counsel, shut down communication in a relationship, and hamper your Christian walk toward an abundant life in Christ.

The enemy can talk to a rebellious person in first-person pronouns, saying, “I’m doing fine. I don’t need you telling me anything. I’m an adult now, and I will make my own choices.” The enemy can feed many lies to this person. Those lies sound good and right and can even be factually correct. No one can lecture a rebellious person to get them to stop being rebellious—they will only reject the advice. A close, loving relationship might be able to reveal this character weakness. This is a very dangerous sin to hold on to, as many times, the rebellion is hidden deep in the heart and can’t be seen—it is not always obvious.

Outward rebellion will build walls between relationships, and no one will feel loved. Relationships become isolated. Anger and rebellion are often closely related.

The truth is that God wants to heal the rebellious heart and fill it once again with trust, peace, and His love. God can soften a rebellious heart and help a person see what is really in their heart.

5. Abuse

Physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuses are all sins done to someone without their permission. These abuses are damaging, and the consequences of the sin are usually long term. Accidents, war, trauma, and deaths can affect us in many of these same ways. Many fears and strongholds are related to abuse:

a) There is no shortage of physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. We all have suffered from someone’s unkind words or deeds. I explained to you all the consequences of my physical and emotional abuse from just my one experience of not knowing how to tell time. Have you thought about all the ways abuse has affected you? Would you like to ask Jesus to help you discover an incredible freedom from abuse or do you want to continue living your life as it is? It’s really your choice. Every abuse has one or many lies attached to it. When we continue to carry the pain from abuse hidden deep in our heart, we will continue to believe the attached lies. It becomes our own sin when, believing the lies, we refuse to forgive the offender.

b) Spiritual abuse is a little trickier to talk about. If God’s Word is taught (whether correctly or incorrectly) without love, it can be spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse can come from our earthly parents correcting us without love as they use God’s Word to point out our failures, or it could be a Bible-thumping neighbor or Bible-college teacher who totes “Big Bertha” and beats people up with it, or a pastor teaching God’s Word intellectually without love from the pulpit. I write this from experience. If you’ve been spiritually abused, you may feel God doesn’t love you or that you don’t measure up in His eyes. Through spiritual abuse, the enemy uses people to cause you to feel alone and isolated, even from God.

c) Sexual abuse: Any immoral activity that involves affairs, lustful thoughts or desires, sexual fantasies, pornography, etc., can stem from sexual abuse. I once heard that as high as 98 percent of prostitutes were sexually abused before they became prostitutes. The “immoral” list goes on and on, but I don’t need to elaborate. The enemy will trap you and keep you enslaved to sexual sin unless you bring it out into the open. First, let Jesus lead you into the place in your heart where the pain resides from sexual abuse—he will help you forgive the offender. Then, to get free of the sexual addiction, you also will need to repent for each action—resulting in moral failure—that you cultivated because of sexual abuse and take the necessary steps to freedom. I’ll talk more about moral failure later in this section.

One area of abuse I would like to elaborate on is abandonment. Were you ignored as a child? Perhaps, you were fed and clothed, but lived in a home where you were lonely. Lately, God has been helping me understand why this quiet, often-unnoticed abuse is so harmful. When a child is ignored and raised in isolation, Satan achieves his goal when isolation becomes a familiar lifestyle for this child.

Abandoned children often have a fragile self-confidence and become shy and withdrawn—setting themselves up for a lonely life. In their adult life, they continue their lonely existence as they repeat familiar flesh patterns learned early in their life. Satan has defeated them through his lies that no one cares about them and through their inability to reach beyond themselves to care about others. Perhaps, making any decision to change is very difficult because it might require letting someone close to them when all they have ever really known is isolation.

Each person should look at repetitive patterns in their life and ask God if it stems from lack of love and attention in the area of abandonment.

6. Evil for Evil Response

Attacking one another, finding fault in the other person, criticizing, casting blame, and looking at the other person as the enemy are all foundations for building an evil for evil relationship. Regardless of whether you are right or wrong in the argument, this is sin and it will destroy your relationship.

a) The Bible does not give a Christian permission to sin, even if they think they are right. It is sin to judge another person’s character, attack, and then reject them. It is only God’s place to judge a person’s heart, not ours.

b) The Bible clearly states it is sin to gossip and slander another person by revealing or confessing their sin behind their back, according to your own viewpoint. They will never feel loved by you and will lose any trust in you when you do this.

7. Negative Thought Patterns

These are usually spoken in our own voice in first-person pronouns (e.g., “I’m worthless” or “I’m never going to change”). Most guilty feelings come from the enemy through his lies. When we believe the lies, we will live like they are true. These lies make themselves apparent in our guilt complexes, depression, negative thoughts, pessimistic attitudes, and general low self-esteem. Focusing on ourselves instead of God is a form of pride, which is still sin.

God doesn’t want or need our guilt. Jesus already paid for our guilt. God wants our repentance and desires a closer relationship with us. Negative thoughts cause us to withdraw from everyone, including God and focus on our inward pain. Negative thoughts are lies straight from the mouth of Satan and cause nothing but discouragement, depression, dysfunctional behavior, and destruction in our lives.

Satan can use our discouragement, depression, and dysfunctional behavior against us. He will continue to twist the truth and insert more lies, causing a circle of destruction.

One example I’ve observed is when, through lies and strongholds, people get depressed. They can’t think straight. They lose all motivation and can barely get out of bed. Their families or spouses try to encourage them. They bring them tea, dinner in bed, or offer to take them on a cruise—anything to get them out of their depression. Even though they hate being depressed, the enemy speaks lies to them through their own thoughts, “Gee, this is kind of nice, people wait on me when I’m down. My spouse is never this nice when I’m ‘normal.’ I like this attention.”

In this example, a love/hate relationship with depression is created. Though it feels good at first, a lack of respect and love will develop toward the person trying to do nice things. The person who is depressed becomes more discontented and feels self-loathing. All the gifts of service, material gifts, cruises, etc., lose their luster, and this person spirals down into depression again. And the cycle repeats itself.

A worthwhile exercise to prepare for battle is to list the negative thoughts you experience in your life. Next to them, write the truth from God’s Word. This exercise won’t free you from the root problem, but it will show you some of the lies you believe and lead you to the strongholds connected to them.

When you have a negative thought, come against it by covering it with the truth from the Bible. You will be taking a step in the right direction toward a healthy thought life. The moment you have a negative thought, pray out loud, Jesus, make the enemy go away. Then speak the truth from God’s Word. I am a child of the King, or Christ loved me and died for me, even while I was a still a sinner. Think about what caused your negative thought—search for the root of your pain—and take it to Jesus.

8. Occult Activities

If you have ever participated in any occult activities, even those as innocent as playing with an Ouija board or studying horoscopes, you have moved toward the enemy’s domain and he was waiting there to take advantage of you. You need to clean up all past occult activities and ask God to take back those strongholds from the enemy.

Say a simple prayer like this: Jesus, I didn’t realize the harm in what I was doing. Please make the enemy go away! I don’t want any part of his influence in my heart. Please show me the areas in my life where I crossed into his domain. I will bring each of those areas to you for freedom. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

If your parents and grandparents were active in any occult activities, it could still be affecting you. Use the forgiveness prayer and forgive yourself or your parents for participating. Tell Jesus how it affects you now and ask Him to take back the ground in your heart where you are being influenced and perhaps controlled by the enemy. Any occult activity is part of his domain. When you participate, you are entering his domain.

There are many great books on this subject. If you feel this is an area that is affecting you, it’s important to read about and/or get help with occult strongholds that are present in your life and working to destroy you. This stuff is real and dangerous and can’t be ignored.

9. Hypocrisy

We are being a hypocrite when we deceive either ourselves or others. Anytime we profess something different than what is true about us—even things hidden deep in our hearts that we may not even know about or understand—we are being a hypocrite. No one just wakes up one day and says, “I think I will become a hypocrite today.” Hypocrisy subtly evolves over time. It often takes another person to say, “You’re being a hypocrite,” before you even realize it. Hypocrisy has such a nasty implication that it’s seldom mentioned. Rare is the person who asks, “Do you think I am a hypocrite?” If you realize you’re living a life of hypocrisy, you may still find yourself trapped in that lifestyle. Your greatest fear is that someone will find out that you are living a lie. Only after I admitted out loud to someone that I had secrets and was a hypocrite, did Satan lose a lot of his power over me. Then, Jesus and I could get on with the business of discovering who He really made me to be.

10. Moral Failure

Moral failure consists of a wide variety of sins from marital affairs to sinful thoughts hidden in the heart. Pornography or fantasizing damages the intimate relationship between you and your spouse. You cannot be emotionally connected with your spouse if you are experiencing moral failure at any level. You can’t put God first in your life if you are using these flesh patterns to get your needs met apart from God.

If you say, “I have a problem with pornography, but I have it under control. Therefore, it isn’t a problem or something I need to worry about or get help with,” that is like telling a doctor, “I realize I have a cancerous tumor, but I don’t feel any pain right now, so it really isn’t a problem.”

Don’t be deceived—if it’s still in your heart, regardless of whether it’s significantly affecting your behavior or not at the moment, it is a problem. If you think you have it under control, then you are acting independently from God. That in itself is sin (flesh pattern) and you can fail in your own strength. Don’t let your pride convince you otherwise.

11. Jealousy

Jealousy comes from coveting something someone else has—skills, talents, material goods, looks, or whatever. Jealousy causes you to be critical of someone and perhaps gossip about them with others—trying to recruit others to see this person’s faults and to also think negatively about them. Jealousy between coworkers, siblings, family members, etc., will destroy relationships and distort your view of that person. The enemy can use jealousy to sever relationships in work, in ministry and at church, as well as family relationships. Jealousy can cause you to try to dishonor the person you are jealous of and ruin their reputation.

The enemy will encourage you to distrust them and get you to encourage others to distrust them. The enemy can and will distort that person’s actions and motivations—your focus will always be on the other person’s wrongs. When we focus on another person’s wrongs, no attention is given to our own heart to see if the problem lies within. It is in the heart of a jealous person where the sin lies. If you find yourself critical or angry toward someone and find it difficult to change your mind or your view of this person, ask God if you are jealous of them.

The enemy can destroy you in this area if you don’t get free of it and give this area of your heart to Jesus for His control.

12. Expectations

When you expect a person to act, think, speak, or even feel a certain way—the way you think they should—that is expectations. Expectations are also revealed when events in your life don’t turn out the way you thought they should. Unfulfilled expectations will leave you disappointed, frustrated, angry, critical, and eventually bitter. When you expect something from a person and are disappointed, you may think negatively toward them. Unfulfilled expectations are related to lack of control. When things aren’t done when and how you want or life doesn’t treat you the way you think you deserve, you can be disappointed and upset. When we’re upset by unfulfilled expectations, we do not recognize the sovereignty of God in every area of our lives.

The sin of thinking negatively about others can often be traced back to our expectations placed on them. People don’t feel loved by us when we value them based on their performance. Expectations can be a sin along with how you react when they’re not fulfilled.

13. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is similar to expectations. Here you have expectations for yourself instead of someone else. This will only leave you tired and never feeling satisfied. You will always feel the pressure to perform and need everything around you to be perfect. It will distract you, and if you come close to succeeding, you will often be puffed up with hidden or outward pride. This accomplishes nothing but causes others to feel controlled by you or uncomfortable in your presence. To have loving relationships with others, perfectionists need to come down from their high perch to where they’re on the same level as others. When someone is a perfectionist, they are constantly under pressure to perform, and feel like a failure when they aren’t perfect.

Each of these thirteen areas of sin stems from a particular stronghold that will cause damage to your relationships, causing you either to feel isolated or push someone else toward isolation or both. This is accomplished when we believe and act on Satan’s lie.

Another lie the enemy would like you to believe is that one type of sin is less important than another—that you don’t need to worry about a little sin such as gossip or petty jealousy. He may try to convince you that you either don’t really hate that person or that they deserve your wrath. You might think, After all, if I only speak ill under my breath, what harm is there in it? I’m not talking about rape or murder here.

If the enemy can defeat you and destroy you with bitterness, anger, or petty jealousy, he doesn’t need to expend any more energy luring you toward drugs or moral failure. Pride alone is sufficient to destroy anyone. Or if Satan can defeat you with negative thoughts leading to depression, he won’t need to entice you to develop habits of lying and stealing.

Satan only wants to defeat us—he isn’t picky about which method he uses against us. It doesn’t matter which sin area you fall into, because they all lead down the same path toward isolation from others and from God. Even small acts of dishonesty or lying can destroy lives. Problems with moral failure that you have “under control” can get out of your control at the most inopportune times.

Perhaps, as you were reading through the thirteen areas of sin, you thought, I only do that a little bit or I’m not addicted. Satan is deceiving you by minimizing your sin.

Satan’s goal is to make us feel isolated. He accomplishes that with his lies and deception. When we are hurting and vulnerable, the enemy feeds our hearts and minds with lies, negative thoughts, distorted truths, or misdirected blame. At these times, we can more easily justify our actions as we throw blame and accusations toward others or even God.

All of these sin areas are designed to trap you and hold you in bondage to the sin or to be consumed by pain from the sin. Any one of these sins can defeat us as Christians—each one causes damage and can destroy our personal relationships. Keeping your sins secret or ignoring the problems they create just gives more power to the sin in you. Hidden sin gives power to the enemy, and he will use these sins against you. Romans 6:6-7 and 6:16 say, “For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.” “Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” Allowing sin in your life to consume your time, attention, and emotional focus draws your focus away from God (as shown in the previous chapter in the triangle diagram).

Finally, I would remind you that all thirteen areas of sin can not only be experienced and cultivated by us, but will also be passed down to future generations if we don’t deal with them.

This has just been a brief overview of these areas of sin, and these small summaries are incomplete in both detail and consequences. My goal is not to teach you and train you in all of these areas as much as it is to ask, “So what do you want to do about it?”

I came to a place in my life where I realized that my flesh patterns were destroying my family. I believed I would lose one or both of my sons if I didn’t let God heal my heart and set me free of my strongholds. I needed to stop controlling, and I needed to love my children equally and fully. First, I needed to admit that I couldn’t do those two things without Jesus first taking back my strongholds, and second, I needed to fill each area of my heart with God’s Holy Spirit to empower me to walk in the Spirit.

I decided I would embark on a journey to give all of my heart to God. I would not hide any hurt or sin to protect myself. I would lay it all out before Him and let Jesus have control of every area of my life. I would tell my secrets to someone I trusted—my husband. I would allow Jesus to love through me, and I wouldn’t be concerned with what it would cost me. I decided to ask Jesus to show me every area of my heart that needed attention, correction, and healing. Trusting Jesus to lead me to my strongholds, win the battles, and restore my family far outweighed what the cost would be to me.

The good news is God does love you and always has. He is right there waiting for you now with open arms—wanting to receive you and listen to all of your hurts. He sees each one of your tears. If you are a Christian, when God looks at you, He sees Christ in you. His work is complete in the person of Jesus Christ, who lives in you, not because of the person you are, but because Christ said on the cross, “It is finished.”

You don’t have to measure up—God loves you and you are His glory just the way you are now. When you clean up your heart, it is for your joy and abundant life now and for your children and grandchildren. Cleaning up your heart allows you to become more Christlike and to be better ambassador for Him.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8).

Courageous Hearts: Chapter 7

The Bible teaches in Deuteronomy 20:16-18, when the Israelites entered Canaan, each tribe was to conquer, kill, and rid their land of its inhabitants. The tribe of Dan never completed this task because they were distracted from conquering and destroying the Philistines. This created problems for the Israelites for many generations.

When we allow distractions in our lives, we greatly diminish our effectiveness for God’s kingdom and often at great cost to us and succeeding generations.

Let’s take a look at Judges 13-16. Samson was a descendant of the tribe of Dan. Let’s see what we can learn from Samson.

The Philistines posed a greater threat to the Israelites than any other people who had ruled over them because they encouraged intermarriage and trade even as they dominated the children of Israel. As the two cultures began to blend, the Israelites began to stray from God’s plan and worshiped the Philistine’s gods—Dagon and Baal—gods of crops and fertility.

Earlier, God had met the Israelites in the desert wilderness and provided for them. However, they believed the lie that God was just a god of the desert. When they were introduced to the region’s inhabitants’ god of fertility, they were easily persuaded to worship Baal also. They believed the lie that they could both worship this god of the desert and also worship the god of fertility so they would be blessed in the land of the Canaanites.

The Philistines believed their gods became dormant and went to a dark place during the winter months. Worship often consisted of public sexual rites. They believed these rites would wake their god up and encourage him to have sex with his female god so the people would have good crops and fertile soil.

Judges 13:1 begins, “Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” Worship of these gods of stone even required them to sacrifice infants into the flaming altar of Baal. They sacrificed the innocent blood of their children as they sought fertile lands and a more comfortable lifestyle. For over forty years, Israel was dominated by the Philistines.

The Philistines were a very sophisticated people, more so than the Israelites. They were successful in seaport trade. They produced large amounts of olive oil. Their fields and vineyards overflowed with wheat and other crops. They established themselves along the Mediterranean coast in five key cities: Gaza, Ashkelon, Ashdod, Ekron, and Gath. They enjoyed every modern convenience of their day. The men and women dressed in lovely expensive clothing. The women adorned themselves with beautiful jewelry and makeup and were beautiful and desirable.

The Philistine domination was different from other conquering people who ruled over the Israelites. The Philistines allowed the Israelites to live their normal lives in the hills and mountains of Judah. They allowed them to continue in their familiar lifestyle as shepherds living in tents. Whereas the Israelites were the uncultured nomads in the wilderness, the Philistines were more the well-to-do, cultured city people.

The Israelites lived in a comfortable coexistence and became apathetic. That is what made the Philistine domination so deceptive—it was not obvious they were being dominated.

Could it be that one of the threats to a close relationship with God is an apathetic attitude regarding the culture around us? Are we being deceived and being influenced by this culture and it isn’t obvious?

God used Samson to single-handedly stir up the Philistines, which resulted in a war against them. Samson alone broke the peaceful bond with them, eventually bringing the Israelites’ apathetic attitude to light.

When you think of Samson, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Is it that he judged the people of Israel for twenty years? Maybe you remember that he was a Nazirite, set apart for God from the time of his conception? Do you recall the story where he killed a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass? Or when he tied three hundred foxes’ tails together in pairs, attached flaming torches, and burned the Philistines’ wheat fields, olive groves, and storehouses? Most people remember Samson as a very strong man with a weakness for the ladies, particularly Delilah. God used both Samson’s strengths and weaknesses for His purposes.

Samson was a descendant from Dan and was a Nazirite. He was consecrated to God and set apart for God’s purpose. As a Nazirite, he could not drink wine, cut his hair, or eat “unclean” food. A Nazirite was also forbidden to touch anything dead. Yet in these four chapters of Judges, we see him drawn into the culture and the lives of the very people from which he was called to be set apart. We see him break his Nazirite vows as he was distracted by the culture of the Philistines.

Eventually, the Philistines overpowered Samson after Delilah cut his hair. They gouged out his eyes to humiliate him and render him helpless.

Samson’s hair being cut was not his problem. That was only the outward evidence of his inner-heart problem.

What was Samson’s problem? Let’s take a look.

1. Verse 14:1: What distracted Samson?

2. Verse 14:34: What was his attitude?

3. Verse 14:7-9: What were his actions and reactions?

4. Verse 14:2 and 7: Did he keep his Nazirite vows and set himself apart?

5. Verse 14:8-9: Did he set himself apart?

6. Verse 14:10: What Nazirite vow did he break when he took the honey?

7. Verse 14:10: It was customary at Philistine feasts to serve meat and wine. Do you think Samson partook of these as he hosted the party?

8. Verse 16:17-19: Why do you think the spirit of the Lord left Samson when his hair was cut?

9. Verse 16:20: Samson wasn’t worried when he awoke in verse 20. Why?

10. Verse 16:21: While blind and enslaved, do you think Samson had time to reflect on how he lived his life as a Nazirite?

11. Verse 16:25-30: Do you think Samson’s troubles and humiliation brought about a renewed heart with God?

Instead of confronting the Philistine’s evil ways, Samson had joined with them through intermarriage. I think, like Samson, we can become comfortable and blend with and enjoy the world and culture around us and become enmeshed in sin and hardly realize it. Like Samson, we are to be set apart for God’s glory. Do we, like Samson, not take that very seriously?

God uses the outward evidence in our lives to wake us up out of our apathy. When Samson’s hair was cut, he thought he could shake himself free again. It became evident very quickly that the power of the Lord had gone from him. His eyes were gouged out, and he was forced to work in the prison and be publicly humiliated. Only during this difficult time did Samson’s heart change, and he was eventually able to call on the Lord again for help.

None of us likes the evidence around us that says we have a heart problem. This evidence shows up in conflicts, poor relationships, financial loss, and many other annoying discomforts. Like Samson, we are given time to look at our circumstances and wake up.

Let’s pause and look at our lives in our society today.

Our society today often deals with sin like it’s a relative thing—“My sin isn’t as bad as that person’s, so I’m doing OK” or “Everyone does it, so it isn’t really wrong.”

Pastors of Christian churches usually preach against blatant sin and sometimes even more “gray” areas of sin like gossip, selfishness, and unforgiveness. We can usually recognize these areas of sin present in our own life as the Holy Spirit convicts us.

There are other areas of sin, however, that go practically unnoticed. Not only do others not see these sins in us, but most of the time we can’t see them either. These are the sins of the inner heart that only God can see and judge.

A few examples of inner-heart sin can look like the following, yet others will rarely see it because the sin is hidden in the heart. God sees it and wants us to ask ourselves, “Am I guilty of something like that? What makes me do that? Is there something not on this list that I do, sinning against you God?”

1. A pastor preaches now because it is his job instead of a passionate need to share the good news of God’s love.

2. A layperson works diligently and is always willing to help do any job because he or she is trying to be accepted and needs the praise or because he or she can’t say no. Perhaps, this person is driven to stay busy all the time.

3. A Sunday-school teacher teaches because no one else would do it.

4. Everyone in my family must look neat and clean and perfect for church because looks are important.

5. I need to tithe because I know the church keeps records and I am a deacon.

6. I can’t tell anyone I am into pornography because they would make me resign. It shouldn’t matter anyway since I just have a small leadership role in the church.

I think you get the idea. It doesn’t matter if a sin is blatant, slightly gray, or completely hidden in the heart; it will greatly diminish your effectiveness for God and hurt your relationships, just as in the life of Samson.

Only you and God know your heart. The stronghold of a righteous-looking man is his pride in his own righteousness. It’s very difficult for him to admit to anyone what a hypocrite he is. I was a hypocrite like that and didn’t even know it, but I allowed God to show me. I admitted it out loud to my husband, and we brought it to Jesus for healing. Then like young David, I ran toward the battle line when I realized Jesus and I had a battle that we needed to fight together.

On Samson’s last day, even though he was a very strong man, Samson realized he needed God. He cried out to God and admitted he needed help. Are you willing to do the same?

Would you be willing to pray this prayer out loud? Jesus, make the enemy go away. Jesus, is the enemy deceiving me? Will you help me relax as I let you talk to my heart? What do you want me to see in myself? Thank you.

Courageous Heart Assignments

On a sheet of paper in your notebook, list the thirteen areas of sin, plus any other sins you might think of yourself. Answer the following questions for each sin:

1. Did your parents have this sin evident in their lives? How were you aware of it?

2. Do you have evidence of this sin active in your life? How does it show itself? How does it affect you and your family?

3. Can you remember ever experiencing or participating in this sin? When? Ask God to help you discover the source and pray the forgiveness prayer from your heart.

4. Sin is not always obvious. Distractions and flesh patterns are not always defined clearly even though they greatly hamper a born-again and committed Christian from walking the path Jesus made for him or her. Write down an area of sin on a piece of paper even if it’s not apparent in your life. For a day or two, carry this in your pocket or put it someplace you will notice it during the day. It will remind you to think about it and keep asking God if this sin affects you and how. A sample prayer might be, Jesus, will you show me if this sin is active in my life and I don’t know it? Will you show me if it is secretly destroying my relationships? Will you help me to be honest with myself? Amen.

5. As you discover each source of sin, forgive anyone who may have had a part and give control of that area to God. Then, invite the Holy Spirit to fill that area of your heart with godly characteristics. Replace fear with His peace. Replace rejection and abandonment with His love and security, etc. Finally, ask for His love to fill your heart so the Holy Spirit can love others through you.

I am discovering that the more I learn from the Bible through stories, parables, and God’s Word in general, the more I am able to see and feel the heart of God toward the nation of Israel and toward myself, and the more I discover about God’s purpose for my life. Understanding God’s Word and His purposes for us will keep us from becoming apathetic and blind to society’s effect on us. And our passion for God will come alive as we cry out to Him.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jer. 29:11).